Bernadine's Blog

Hope: The Blank Canvas

2012-01-22T21:02:00.000-08:00

There is nothing that elicits within me the feeling of hope more than a crisp, freshly constructed, fully stretched, and newly gessod canvas. OMG! It is thrilling. As one puts the stretcher together, places and attaches the cross bars, stretches the canvas and tidies up the corners, then lovingly applies one layer of gesso and then the next - the ideas about what I will do, compose, and paint fill my head: What colours will I apply? What shapes will I make? and What meaning will I bestow upon and inlay into the weaves of this canvas with my brushes and oils?

This canvas is 6' by 4' and is prepped to become a recreation of the typical art academy portraits that most often depicted duly-appointed artists lounging around someone's art studio. Many were done in the 1700 and 1800's like "Charles West Cope’s magnificent Victorian group, "The Council of the Royal Academy", which depicts eminent Royal Academicians selecting the works for the Summer Exhibition of 1875" (http://www.artknowledgenews.com/Portraits_Artists_Royal_Academy_of_Arts.html) or "The Portraits of the Academicians of the Royal Academy" done in 1771-72 (http://www.allartnews.com/yale-center-launches-fall-season-with-premiere-of-zoffany-exhibition-that-re-evaluates-artist/). These usually, if not entirely, included portraits of male artists.

In stark contrast, mine will portray all women artist that have influenced my work and my life as an artist like Daphne Odjig, Betty Goodwin, Vera Frankel, Kathe Kollwitz, Ida Applebroog, Jane Grover and Hanneline Rogeberg to name a few. These are the artists I have learned the most from and whose work has paved the way so that mine has a hope of being recognized as that of a professional artist.

So, here is to hope!

Who Am I as an Artist?

2012-01-17T09:30:00.000-08:00

There are moments in one's life when pieces of it sit there in front of you just waiting for you to figure shit out. Such has been my life as of late. Something has been clawing at the back of my throat making me want to scream even though I am not sure what sounds I would make or what words would struggle to get out. I know my life as an artist has begun to create other feelings inside of me besides those of feeling blessed, happy, or excited about the next painting or series.

These days I am consumed with anger at an economy which prevents and reduces sales of art to something abysmal. Over and over I hear of artists who are closing up shop, shutting down their studios and going to find a nine-to-five job. I live in an environment/city/province (Vancouver BC Canada) that has become downright hostile towards artists (massive cuts to funding, loss of artist studios, loss of jobs in the art industry as galleries and artist-run centres close their doors) - not to mention the addition of a location with a high-cost of living and an economy that dictates that regular folk are saving their pennies and struggling to put food on their own tables and are not able to purchase art... which ultimately means our society isn't capable of supporting artists through the sale of their work.

It is times like this (when your life is no longer being swept away by this or that and everything has slowed down to a crawl) that your mind begins to question what is it I am doing? Why am I doing this? What is it all for? I have been wrestling with these ideas over that last many weeks.

A few days ago, I was reviewing the artist statements of several folks. I read "The paintings act as a visual echo chamber/system in which images ricochet through time and space....(abstract)" and "...[the artist] seeks to visualize the interconnectivity between nodes, hubs, and centres of activity within information flows to emphasize the adaptation of the human imagination to virtual and synthetic imagery. (abstract)" In addition, I was informed that the artists were interested in the "building blocks of illusory space and time within a painting (abstract)" or taking "advantage of the perceptual complexity inherent in a painting, which challenges us with its visual effects, its object-ness and the process of its making as obvious as it is enigmatic. (abstract)" WOW... such noble acts and enormous inquiries for artists to engage in! Really, I am not being facetious.

Me? I read these artists statements and cringe. I am not sure I even understand them much less be able to create a comparable body of work. What is the difference between "virtual and synthetic imagery" in the human imagination anyway? How would that be studied and verified as one being virtual and the other being synthetic? And maybe that is my problem with such investigations - the logical analytical side of my brain is just as big as the creative side. (Honestly, - I had it tested!)

So, if I was going to write the ultimate artist statement of why I do art and who am I as an artist what would it say? Where would be my focus? Of course the answer was simple. It is where it has been since I was probably six years old. Still trying to understand the human condition. Why do we do the things we do? Why do we behave the ways we do, choose the lives we choose, create the jobs we work at? And what are the impacts, on the world around us, when we make those choices? These are the things that I explore: who are we as a human race and the ever-pressing question of "why."

So, my art will never explore the subtle curves of paint flowing within the texture of precarious compositions of one shape over another. It will never create and then attempt to contemplate an irregular-shaped canvas. There is nothing wrong with the artist who chooses this path. It just is not mine. For instance, my art explores ... how our choices around drug addictions and the ever-popular harm reduction programs impact on children; what happens to clients when their therapists exploit them under the guise of "good" therapy; the non-verbal cues found in human communication; what "home" is and what it looks like; how gender discrimination effects women artist; and the long-term effects of severe child abuse and how dissociation serves to protect those same folks. My art is focused squarely on the lives we live and it is probably why I use the impressionist style in my paintings. It was the Impressionists who turned the focus of art subjects away from the priests and noble man and towards the common folks and the common condition.

Well, that is a relief.... to get here. Not sure what that all means next to the wretched state of our economy for artists. But it was nice to get at least a little part of what has been nagging at me out and said.

Quotes from: 2011 RBC Canadian Painting Competition, published by Royal Bank of Canada 2011

Strange Coincidences

2012-01-02T14:02:00.001-08:00

Photo by Bernadine Fox

Over the past few weeks as I ran around making Christmas happen here, I have had the oddest experience of running into the same people. People I don't know, have never met except in passing each other out about in the world.

There was the women who was on the elevator when I got in at my doctor's office building. It is a highrise with about 12 floors to it. The women was impeccably dressed and got off on my floor in error and immediately got back on as I went on my way. An hour and a half later, I ran into the very same women at Kingsgate Mall several miles away.

Another woman attended the Women's Winter Faire. She didn't really do much more than glance my way and again a couple hours later I observed her taking in the sights at the Burnaby Heritage Village Museum.

A third woman was at the Dollar Store checkout in front of me. She was buying Christmas ornaments and went to great lengths to explain to the cashier that she had lost all of hers in a move recently. Two hours later I watched as she crossed the street in front of my vehicle on Renfrew and 1st Ave.

A fourth woman, I crossed paths with outside a 20-some floor building in downtown Vancouver. She went in and up as I waited for my companion. 15 minutes later, I walked into an office and there she was as well.

Coincidences? Yes - definitely. Odd? Yeah. Really incredibly odd? Probably not. But it does make me wonder how it is that two people who do not know each at all can have their lives cross paths twice in the same few hours encompassing distances that make it extremely unlikely. How many other people does this happen day-in-and-day-out where we don't even notice?

Life is strange sometimes.

The Holidays 2011

2011-12-28T09:48:00.000-08:00

The house was cleaned and decorated. The tree was dragged home, stationed in the family room, and adorned with ornaments accumulated from Christmas' past. Thoughtful presents were bought and wrapped with pretty paper. The holiday treats were baked and eaten and baked and gifted (and eaten). Far-away-family-members were called, texted, emailed, or FB'd. The feast was gathered, cooked, and consumed: baked brie, breaded shrimp, puff pastry, roast turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, cream corn, salad, and fresh baked bread topped off with a non-traditional strawberry mouse and a thousand holiday cookies. Our girls arrived with smiles and joy and we had good times with "Secret Santas" as laughter rang through the halls of our home filled with a true appreciation of where we were at at that moment in time in our lives.

Christmas to me is not about Jesus or God. It is not really about Santa or presents. Christmas for me is about the celebration of family - but not just any family or the "traditional" family. No, for me it is about the celebration of family as we choose it to be. The people who bring us joy, teach us lessons, inspire us to be the best we can, who stick it out with us as we stick it out with them, and those who always want the best for us and those we love unconditionally. These are not always those with whom we are tied to through our familial genes. But, moreso, as with my family, they are those with whom I have chosen to be close. There are many of us out here: orphaned from family-of-origins by death, trauma, or prejudice. Some might look upon us with pity at this time of year. But given how my Christmas' have gone for many years now I feel privileged to have been given the freedom to celebrate this special time of year with people who are special to me instead of being trapped by societal or familial expectations of what "one must do" - a common lament this time of year as people ply their tempers or consciousness with booze to survive their sister, their in-laws, or just the damn family-oriented holidays that trigger off bad memories.

So, as I recycle the wrapping paper, get three loads of dishes done, clean the Christmas linen, and plan the trip to storage to pack everything away again for another year, I am also plotting my way back to my studio to begin work on two large exhibitions coming up for me as I also consider what lies ahead for my work in 2012: In the coming year, where do I want my life to go, what do I want to see happen, what do I want to accomplish, in what direction should I point my art business and what internal places should I be delving into to provide my art work with the authenticity I need it to have?

More than Christmas, I love the New Year (it is why I send out NY cards instead of Santa ones). It is full of promise and hope and aspirations. And given just how great my Christmas was.... I can't wait to see what unfolds in the coming year.

Image: Raven 19 by Bernadine Fox (acrylic and conte on wood panel) 10 x 10"

Women's Winter Faire 2011

2011-12-12T10:51:00.001-08:00

Dec 17 and 18th
11 am to 6 pm

@ Heritage Hall
3102 Main St @ 15th Ave.

Bernadine will participate in the Women's Winter Faire 2011 featuring some of the finest BC women artist, artisans, and craftswomen.

Here are some of the items you will see at my booth

Pears: Orange, Green & Blue
oil on canvas, 12 x 24"
$748

Pears: And Then There Were Three
oil on canvas, 16 x 16"
$708

Balancing Act XXII
mixed media on wood panel, 10 x 10"
$45
(in a series of 3)

Balancing Act I
mixed media on wood panel, 8 x 8"
$50
(in a series of 3)

Silver Lining: Laughter
mixed media on wood panel, 10 x 10"
$45

If you would like to see who else you will fine displaying their art down at the Faire check out Sounds and Furies website.

There is a sliding scale donation at the door from $3 to $5. Every year Pat uses the money collected at the door to support a local charity. This year it is going to Theatre Terrific.

I hope to see you there,

Dissolve/Thrive

2011-12-01T18:17:00.001-08:00

Presented by Gallery Gachet

"Dissolve /Thrive"

An Exercise in Collaborative Interdependence Exhibition featuring the work of the Gallery Gachet Collective curated by Rebecca Chunn and Robin Yuen

Exhibition runs: Dec 9th 2011 - Jan 15th 2012

Opening reception:Fri Dec 9th, 7- 8:30pm,

Fundraising Art Auction + Sale,8:30 – 10:30pm

Two paintings from Bernadine’s new series “Pears” have been selected to be in an exhibition at Gallery Gachet curated by Rebecca Chunn and Robin Yuen. “Bonding I” and “Bonding II” will be part of this art show which endeavours to explore "... moments of everyday existence where artists experience a sublime sentient connection to the world around them. As a strategy to bridge the divide we experience in our personal and public relationships on a daily basis this project emphasizes celebrating the joy of connection in both visual and performative mediums. Ultimately it addresses reanimating a sense of the magical in the mundane as a way of addressing how shared experience is a desirable and reasonable alternative to the isolation of individualist being. It begins by asking: what does reaching out for connection look like and how can we re-imagine our social fabric to facilitate community?"

Bonding I, by Bernadine Fox 24 x 36" Oil on Canvas $2,246.00

Bonding II, by Bernadine Fox 24 x 36" Oil on Canvas $2,246.00

Chaos theory dictates that what is found in the macro is replicated in the micro. For example, a rock on a mountain will have roughly the same overall shape as the mountain itself. Psychological projection allows us to attribute that which is true (and perhaps disconcerting) within us to something or someone separate from us. Given these two ideas, Bernadine explores the nature of being human in groups with simple collections of ordinary pears. As they ripen basking in the sun’s delicate light that wraps around their skin, they provide a metaphor for the nonverbal communication we convey with our body posture: a lean towards here, a back turned there, an indifferent pause. At times, this body language is imbued with appreciation and, at other times, we find ourselves struggling with the obstacles of our own ideas and projections as we try to understand our fellow man.

Bernadine will be in attendance at the opening Dec 9th at 8:30 to 10:30 pm @ Gallery Gachet, 88 E. Cordova St (@ Columbia) in Vancouver BC.

(Female) Bullies in our Midst

2011-11-25T13:12:00.000-08:00

Bullying has been defined as "the use of one's strength or popularity to injure, threaten or embarrass another person on purpose. Bullying can be physical, verbal or social.”[1]

Females bully differently than men. While men often use their physical self to bully, women usually (but not always) use their minds: slander, rumour, and isolating others. Women often believe they can get away with what they are doing as there is little to no “evidence” of their acts. According to bullyonline.com there are 3 to 14 million people in the UK who suffer from the abuse of adult bullies in the workplace.[2] Another stat puts it as 1 out 4 people.[3] My experience with female bullies may or may not be typical. However, I suspect it is encountered more than is discussed.

My Experience

Over the last twenty years, I have tangled with six women bullies. In almost every case, these women started the relationship pursuing my friendship and were demonstrably effusive in their flattery. Also in every case, and the stat I hate the most but must include, is that five out of the six of these women were lesbians.

Mrs. D bullied children as the playground supervisor at my child’s school. The kids at the school had bully prevention programs which taught them how to tell who was a bully and what to do about it. All the kids knew who the bully was. The teachers knew she was behaving inappropriately with the children but seemed unable to effectively confront her or the union that protected her.

C was an office manager in a world reknown, medical laboratory whose “managerial” responsibilities were largely removed due to her bullying (although it was not called that at the time). C spent most of her time pitting people against one another, creating rumours, starting fights, setting employees up to fail, and/or isolating them in the workplace.

K was probably the most benign of them all. Even as an adult her bullying was high school: isolate; rumours; and make fun of one person singled out in the group.

R was a therapist who expounded on a strict feminist theory (of which according to her there was only one right way to be a feminist) and who, ultimately, became The Rapist under the guise of a secretive, intimate relationship with a client and became a fine example of why the new Family Law Act in BC includes a clause to prevent unjust enrichment of one spouse over the other.

I cannot tell you how many times T would claim excitedly that she really, really, really, really, really, really wanted to be my friend. Ultimately, what she really, really wanted was to exploit my knowledge and expertise around victims of violence to enhance her professional reputation. When that didn't work, she attempted to undermine my professionalism in an attempt to climb the ladder of success using my face as a rung. Time ultimately brings what is true into sharp focus. One look at the website of this woman now and it is obvious that she is as crazy as a loon (no disrespect to those who struggle with mental health issues intended). And in true bully-style, T also became involved is BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism) where she was “master” over her “slaves.”

Like T, Q bent over backwards to become my friend and was overly effusive about how wonderful she thought I was. There was rarely a conversation where she didn’t have some very exceptionally, positive feedback for me. For reasons I still do not know, this quickly turned. I repeatedly called to ask what was wrong and would get no answer or “I am just busy with this or that." One day - like T - she tried to raise doubts about my performance to a company I had a contract with as a means of getting ahead professionally (it would seem she wanted my job). And also like T, it not only didn’t work but both were left professionally embarrassed. This culminated in Q escalating her bullying in a variety of ways. The most recent was on a physical level. We work out of the same building. As we were about to pass each other in a very wide hallway (as we had done, and as I have done with many other people, hundreds of times in the past many years without incident) our bodies collided, shoulder to shoulder, without warning. Not expecting the collision, I was propelled backwards into the wall. I yelped out in pain. It was a hard impact – like hitting a wall of cement. In retrospect, it is clear that she repositioned her body and braced her muscles for impact. In shock, I turned around to see how she was. Her walk had not missed a step! Instead her head was now thrown back with her nose in the air and her strut had taken on an obvious, pompous stride as she walked on without any reaction to our violent encounter. Clearly, what had surprised me was planned on her part and she seemed quite pleased with herself. I spent the next 24 hours with a very sore shoulder. When bullying becomes physical it is no longer tolerable.

My Analysis

So, why are lesbians so clearly a predominant factor in the adult bullying I have experienced? Perhaps there is something in my makeup that engages with lesbian bullies as opposed to heterosexual adult bullies? It is unfortunate because I have also had some of the best times and experiences with people who were dykes.

The Spearhead in September of 2010 talked about same-sex battering in lesbian relationships and noted that research had shown that domestic violence occurred more often in lesbian couples than in gay couples. They said,

“A nearly impenetrable double wall serves to keep lesbian battering tucked away in the proverbial closet. The first wall is the stigmatization invoked by lesbians themselves who believe in a sort of same-sex utopia, the feminist belief that maintains female-female relationships are inherently more peaceful, gentle, and “pure,” compared to male-female relationships.”[4]

If domestic violence is higher in lesbian relationships then perhaps it goes that lesbians would make up the majority of the adult female bully pool. Research or not, I would hate it if that was true. The Spearhead did note that

“the second wall is the broader domestic violence industry that maintains a cult-like belief in the notion of patriarchal sexism, the theory that men abuse their wives due to an innate and irrepressible urge to oppress women. So every time a woman pummels, rapes, or otherwise abuses her female partner, the patriarchal dominance theory takes a body-blow.”[5]

And I would add to that that "body-blow" means that the organization itself would tend to dismiss, minimize, or otherwise become “unhelpful” to a woman abused by another woman which would give every lesbian bully clear and tacit approval for their behaviour along with the expectation that it will be overlooked or rationalized away by the lesbian/feminist community.

Perhaps more important is another odd stat generated from my own experience. Four out of six of these women do not have children. Does mothering provide access to information about bullying through their children's education? Does one’s own empathy for our offspring, who may experience bullying, also teach us to renounce bullying as adults? Does the fact that many lesbians either choose to not become mothers and/or were unable to have children (prior to the advent of reproductive technology and it's prohibitive costs), explain the high ratio of dykes in the bully pool more than anything to do with their sexual orientation? Probably.

I am a bisexual woman who lives within a diverse cultural family. This is not some homophobic rant. I am tired of being bullied by women whom I believe ought to know better and whom I expect to live by a better code of ethics.

Adult bullies: Who are they and why do they choose their targets?

We all know what bullies look like when they are on the school ground. I am in my 50’s. There were no prevention programmes in the schools I attended. Back then, we were told to stand up to bullies and to fight back. Research has shown this is not really the answer to bullying. The bullies from my childhood simply grew up into old bullies. So who are the adult bullies around us? Research indicates that they suffer from low self-confidence, feel insecure, seethe with resentment, are bitter, full of hatred and anger, are envious and jealous, feel inadequate, and “may [use] a wide range of prejudices as a vehicle for dumping anger onto others."[6]

My childhood trauma history becomes an easy picking ground for blame. I automatically believed that I was behaving in ways that led them to believe they could bully me: that I was at fault for their agression. Imagine my surprise when my study into adult bullying showed that those cues were not related to unresolved trauma but that targets of bullying are chosen given the following criteria:

"being good at your job, often excelling,

being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)
more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence; your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear
being the expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional (i.e. you get more attention than the bully)
having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise

having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)
having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited
refusing to join an established clique
showing independence of thought or deed
refusing to become a corporate clone and drone

strong motivators for bullying are jealousy (of relationships and perceived exclusion from) and envy (of talents, abilities, circumstances or possessions), and
bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors, and you will have a string of successors.” ^[7]

Conclusion: What to do?

This blogpost came directly out of being body-checked a few days ago by Q. I am tired of dealing with other people’s unmanaged, unprocessed, childhood crap that expresses itself as bullying. People have told me that I should just ignore Q. Others say, like when I was a child, I must confront the behaviour to make it stop: after all, a physical assault (like a body-check) is a crime. Like many bullies, at first glance, Q exudes a pleasant, charming, and easygoing demeanour. It belies a cold disposition and, like many adult bullies described in the literature, she has a clear Jekyll and Hyde nature. What I have learned after having suffered from child sexual abuse and several battering relationships (including one in a lesbian relationship) – I will not suffer a bully in silence. If it is happening I will judiciously tell and warn others. It is time, like with homophobic or racist comments, for everyone (especially those who see bullying happening to someone else) to call adult bullies on their behaviour: to name it for what it is. And as for a physical assault disguised as "shoulder-checking" or more innocently as an "accident" – next time, I will simply call the police and let them figure it out.

I would like to hear about your experiences with adult bullying. What happened to you? What were the consequences for you? How did you deal with it? Do you have any suggestions about how we can confront the adult bully in our midst?

For more information on adult or workplace bullying you can visit the following websites:

http://lmerlobooth.typepad.com/straight_talk_4_women/2011/06/dealing-with-adult-bullies.html

http://www.bullyonline.org/action/action.htm

____________________________________________________________

[1] http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/08/110807143810.htm

[2] (http://www.bullyonline.org/action/action.htm)

[3] http://www.lifeafteradultbullying.com/1616/index.html

[4] http://www.the-spearhead.com/2010/09/02/lesbian-battering-the-sisterhood-turns-on-itself/

[5] http://www.the-spearhead.com/2010/09/02/lesbian-battering-the-sisterhood-turns-on-itself/

[6] http://www.lifeafteradultbullying.com/1616/index.html

[7] http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm#Why

"No Bullies" image reprinted from http://www.rubberduckyposse.com/?page_id=94

Getting ready for the Crawl 2011

2011-11-14T09:11:00.001-08:00

Bernadine's Studio during 2010 Crawl
(photo by Colin Briers)

We artists are essentially glorified manufacturers: we create product (albeit with much more meaning behind it than the average product you find on a shelf). We often dress in our grubbiest clothes full of paint or sculpting dust. Unless cleanliness is necessary for creativity, most artist's studios are.... well let me say MY art studio is most often a mess. In fact, at the height of my creativity, it is the worst. I do clean my brushes because there is nothing worse than ruining a favourite one. But, I can't be bothered to put the cap back on my tubes of oil paint. I dress in my grubbiest clothes, get lost in the production of my art, and hesitate to clean up in the same way a hockey player doesn't want to shave during the playoffs - it disturbs the air of creativity and, ultimately, the very act of painting itself gets messed up.

What most folks don't know about the CRAWL is that, in the days and weeks leading up to the opening at 5 pm on the Friday (Nov 18), the energy in each building starts to vibrate. Especially in one like William Clark studios where you have a large number of artists (20-30) who are participating in this event. Artists are cleaning up their studios, painting the walls, storing their incidental art supplies, packing up all their art materials (brushes, varnish, unused canvases, mediums, paints), and just a general overall decluttering. Some are sweeping the floor for the first time in a year or so. They are pushing aside projects that haven't quite gelled and have sat in the corner for awhile and bringing out work that was done almost a year ago. They are deciding what to hang and where or what order to do it. Suddenly, these artists are no longer self-involved in their own ideas about art or politics or focused on colour or hue. They transform into the entrepreneurs they are and begin to consider the flow of people through their studios, lighting, documentation and inventory records, packaging material, sales receipts, product placement, floats, marketing and publicity.

We dress up in our best (unpainted attire) and stand ready to greet you - our audience. And this is one other thing that is not always understood by those who view art as opposed to make art. Visual artists are experts in language -but not oral or written language per se. We use our fingers, our ideas, our colours, and our images to create a nonverbal language which is intended to speak to our audience. Language does not exist without a response. You are our response. We need your feedback and that happens when you arrive in our studio. You do not have to say anything directly to us or write anything in our comment books - your attendance is priceless and the response we need most.

So, I thank each and every one of you who will be coming out to my studio this year! I look forward to seeing you again or meeting you for the first time.

The details:

Eastside Culture Crawl
Bernadine Fox, Studio 7, 1310 William St. (William Clark Studios)
Nov 18 to 20th (Friday 5-10pm and Sat/Sun 11-6pm)
Check out my preview on Facebook

See you there!

Leading Up to the Eastside Culture Crawl Nov 18-20th 2011

2011-11-08T14:11:00.000-08:00

Well, it is that time of year again. This is my sixth Crawl. And this year, my studio will be filled with work that is so new it is practically still wet!

My paintings this year have focused on home and relationships. The painting above is titled "Home: Lemonade." I love painting fruit on those plates. They are dear to me as I serve our family dinner on them every Sunday. Dan and I have four girls between us who join us for our family dinners. These events are a cherished time in our household. Every once in a while, something I have set down catches my eye and I have to stop and take a photo of it so that I can paint it later. The painting above is of limes and lemons sitting in a bowl waiting to become a

marinade for chicken later that day.

But, I digress. "The Home" series is currently about seven paintings strong. So far, it has included still-lives that relate to tables (dinning-, sitting-, and side-tables). I haven't quite decided where I am going to take this series after the "table" 'cause I still have several paintings left to go exploring our lives around just that. That said, several of these paintings will be up during the Crawl for everyone to see, give feedback and/or buy.

I know that some people get queasy with the idea of saying something about art. So, this year my studio-mate and I have devised a means of letting people give us feedback with ease. We will be handing out different coloured dots when you arrive and you are welcome to place the dots next to your favourite(s).

So here are the details around the Eastside Culture Crawl:

Dates & Times :
Nov 18 (5 pm to 10 pm)
Nov 19 (11am to 6 pm)
Nov 20 (11 am to 6 pm)

My studio is at #7, 1310 William St. Vancouver BC. We are D20 in the Eastside Culture Crawl's pamphlet's map or you can use the map below:

And just so you know, the 14-day weather trend shows that from the 14th to the 22nd, Vancouver will experience rain. (That is so depressing to just type.) Regardless, it does mean that one should bundle up, wear your raincoat, or bring along an umbrella. It also would be prudent to plan your Crawl this year. To help you do that, remember that William Clark Studio is the third largest building in the Crawl (i.e., number of artists involved in the Crawl). That means less time walking around outside and more time trolling through studios visiting with artists!

See you there!

Want to go to an art opening? Not sure what to expect?

2011-11-03T11:04:00.001-07:00

In our economy, where we all look for activities we can do that cost little to nothing but offer a lot – nothing compares to the value of attending an art opening. That said, if one has never attending an opening it can seem like a daunting opportunity fraught with the possibility of missteps in front of artists and artist-like people who live mysterious, exciting lives filled with elite, insider knowledge of art and all things ART. So from someone who has attending thousands of openings, let me waylay any anxiety that might arise for you with some down-to-earth information on what does happen at those elite art openings.

First, art openings are meant as a type of “coming-out” parties. The art has been installed on the walls complete with labels telling the viewers who the artist is, what the paintings/art is titled, it’s size, the medium used, and if it is for sale – the price to purchase that lovely piece and make it your own. The labels often look like this:

Artist

Title

Medium

Size

Price

Those invited to come to these art openings include artists, art connoisseurs, art critiques, media people, fine art professors, AND any other individuals who have asked to be advised of art openings. The latter category includes plumbers, nurses, doctors, teachers, art students, construction workers, longshoremen, real estate owners, office workers, etc. etc. etc. (you get the picture). Art is for everyone and ANYONE can attend an art opening and/or exhibit. You do not have to have some elite-type of connection to the art world to be invited to attend. Just ask for the invitation notices and they will be sent. Even if you are not on the list of invitees, if you see an art opening that you would like to attend you are welcome. The Georgia Straight, Artsy Dartsy, Instant Coffee Vancouver and Preview Magazines (offers some images too) offer excellent lists of upcoming art openings complete with the what, where, who, when, and how. Another person, at art openings, is most often the artist her/himself. Artists are usually most approachable. If you have questions, want to ask about a particular painting, or just want to tell the artist how you respond to their work – they will appreciate the interaction. That is why they are there: to meet people who come and get feedback about how they respond to their work.

As for looking at the work, if you like it take your time. Walk through. Look at the pieces. If something grabs your attention, take some time with it: get up close, stand back, walk away and come back. The piece was created so that you will respond to it: silently, viscerally, verbally. Let yourself respond. If you want further information, there is most usually an artist statement and biography about the art and artist posted somewhere in the gallery. The one rule about interacting with the work is that you never touch it. The grease from your fingers (there regardless if you wash compulsively a thousand times a day) will impact on the work and can cause damage. So never physically touch the work and please teach your children this important rule as well. That said, if you walk into a gallery and the work is not what you expected and you don’t like it and it is not “speaking” to you – leave. I have walked through many, many openings in five minutes. My rule is: if it hasn’t grabbed me in the first minute or two - it probably won’t and I am onto the next opening (I can do up to five in one night).

Usually, the gallery will have on display a notebook where guests can write comments to the artist about the work and/or put their name on the list to receive further notifications of art openings at that gallery. These lists are not shared or sold so you do not need to be concerned that putting your name and email address there will result in a whole host of email spamming to come.

Don’t know what to wear? Most artists have been known to tear themselves away from painting long enough to attend the art opening of work they desperately want to see and, consequently, they often show up in their painting garb. Don’t be alarmed. It is just their “work” clothes. Other attendees come dressed up, clad in casual clothes, or decidedly eccentric and overtly dressed down. The art world is exceedingly tolerant of people and their expression of self. Be yourself and come dressed as you are.

Children are usually most welcome at art openings. You might want to check the subject matter of the art work prior to bringing them. But unless it is traumatizing images, everything from landscapes and nudes are appropriate material for children.

Art openings are almost always FREE. That coupled with scientific research that has demonstrated that those who do NOT attend cultural events (like art openings!) have a 60% higher mortality rate that their counterparts who indulge in an opening or two here and there and you have the biggest bang for your buck!

So make an evening of it. Attend a few here and there. You might find yourself addicted to a new pastime that is good for you and your family. If you like – try it out on an upcoming art opening for an exhibition I curated for the Eastside Culture Crawl 2011. Here are the details:

Eastside Culture Crawl Preview Show: EastVan Identity

@ The Cultch (1895 Venables St, Vancouver) - November 9th @ 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm

Eleven artists, 23 marvellous pieces of art that reflect our “EastVan Identity:” Despite our complex geographical area, EastVan has one clear and consistent trait: residents proudly incorporate it within their personal identity. In this annual show the artist of the Eastside Culture Crawl 2011 will explore identity from our individual perspective, a historical overview, or as community portraiture. Curated by Bernadine Fox this exhibition features the work of Felicity Don, Marta Robertson Smyth, Sonja Kobrehel, M. A. Tateishi, Fred Weiss, Deanna Fogstrom, Ross den Otter, Suzo Hickey, Karen Moe, Lori Sokoluk, and Valeria Arntzen. The ECC Preview Exhibition will be held at the Cultch from Nov 9th to 27th. Public viewing hours: Mon-Fri 12 to 6 pm, Sat 12-4pm and one hour prior to all performances.

I will be there. Hope you can make it.

Class Schedule Set: Drawing Class & Painting BootCamp

2011-09-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

Bernadine's Drawing Class for the Mature Student (45+)

September 24th, 2011 - October 29th, 2011

(no class Oct 15th)

AND

Feb 4th to Mar 10th, 2012

Now only $185 for 6 sessions!

Drawing is the foundation of all art forms. It strengthens our hand/eye coordination. This drawing course focuses on training your eyes to see, your brain to interpret, and your hands to create. The objective is to introduce (or reintroduce) you to a variety of drawing exercises designed to improve your skills through an analysis of what is being seen and how that is interpreted on paper. By employing these drawing exercises, you will see a dramatic improvement in your drawing ability within a short period of time.

This class is geared towards both experienced and inexperienced individuals (over 45) who are looking for a supportive environment to practice, rediscover, and/or engage their creative drawing ability.

Makes a great gift idea for a special someone in your life. Gift certificates are also available.

This is what people say about Bernadine's class: "Thank you for giving me the courage to continue with my art and to see things in my "mistakes" and to let them work for me. Thank you for opening my life to art, an opening I have always craved and one that I will never again starve for in my life time." Kim

" It was perfect for someone like me with no experience and even less confidence as far as drawing is concerned. I learned a lot, in good company, and now enjoy getting my sketch pad out..." Valerie

"The class was phenomenal, I enjoyed it tremendously. You helped me look at things with a new perspective and from a new point of view. I did not really know what we were going to take from the course, and it turned out to be a life lesson, really. For that I am more than grateful. Time seemed to be flying and it never felt like we have already been in class for a couple hours. I think most of us had a hard time letting go of the pencil, charcoal or conte at the end of the sessions - I certainly did." Marcella

Instructor: Bernadine Fox BFA

Location(s): William Clark Studios, #7 - 1310 William St. Vancouver

Topic(s): Drawing

Date: September 24th, 2011 - October 29th, 2011 (no class Oct 15th)

AND Feb 4th to Mar 10th, 2012

Sessions: 6

Fee: 185.00

Prerequisites: None... just a desire to draw

Supply List: to be supplied upon registration

Special Instructions: Classes held at Bernadine's art studio at William Clark Studios (William and Clark St.) in Vancouver BC

AND NEW!!!

Painting BootCamp

October 22nd, 2011 - November 26th, 2011

(no class Nov 19th)

$185 for 6 sessions!

Bernadine is about to offer the first only Painting Bootcamp for artists. This six week course is designed to take your painting to the next level. Regardless of whether or not you are a figurative, abstract, or landscape painter, this course will shake up what you are doing and help you to discover where you next need to go. Bootcamp implies hard, strenuous, sweat-producing exercising. Creatively it means stretching beyond your comfort level, experimenting with new ideas or new materials, confronting your fear of different genres or those places where you believe you can’t go and then simply going there. Needless to say, it ain’t for creative sissies.

You can use whatever medium you wish. Painting occurs outside of class time. Classes are structured to include an Instructional Lecture on upcoming exercise and handout. Participants will be expected to produce one painting a week and bring it to class to take part in a group constructive feedback. The latter is designed to be empowering and positive.

All of this occurs within a supportive environment and small class size (6 max). By the end of six weeks, you will see a positive impact on your work.

Makes a great gift idea for a special someone in your life. Gift certificates are also available.

Instructor: Bernadine Fox BFA

Location(s): William Clark Studios, #7, 1310 William St. Vancouver

Topic(s): Acrylic Painting, Mixed/Other Media, Oil Painting, Outdoor Painting, Watercolour Painting

Date: October 22nd, 2011 - November 26th, 2011 (no class Nov 19th)

Sessions: 6

Fee: 185.00

Prerequisites: Painting experience. If in doubt, please contact Bernadine

Supply List: Self supplied painting materials

Special Instructions: Classes held in Bernadine's private art studio at William Clark Studios (Clark and Williams) in Vancouver BC.

Registration Details: Visit online to register at OR call Bernadine at 778 869-0733 or email at berni@bernadinefox.ca. Payment can be by cash, cheque, VISA, MasterCard, Paypal, or by installments. There is a $45 administration fee for cancellations. No refunds if cancelled within 48 hours of the first day of class

************************************************************************************

If you have any questions about the curriculum or location, do not hesitate to contact me. I can be reached most easily at (778) 869-0733.

Bernadine Fox

I Paint....Therefore, I speak.

2011-09-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

I know of no one, in their heart of hearts, who has contemplated and then become an artist without also experiencing trepidation. My own experience included a knock-out dragged-out intellectual fight between my left and right brains with one side saying, ”Are You NUTS! – An ARTIST? We have children to feed. How will we live!?” I abated all of that noisy chatter and became an artist believing wholeheartedly that, if I put my left brain to it after my right brain had spent time being creative, regardless of how much fear I experienced, I would succeed. That was 1998. I had made a deal with my native brother that we would follow our dreams. We would become what we were supposed to do in this life despite our anxiety around doing so. His: To become a native healer. Mine: To become an artist. He died in 2005 in the midst of studying to do exactly that.

The truth is, he was a healer regardless if he studied and I was an artist regardless of whether or not I picked up a brush. It is what you are inside. It is the thing you must actively do to realize why you are here. It is the thing that will ultimately make you sick emotionally or physically if you deny it or throw you into being in-sync with the universe when you embrace it.

Since 1998, when I picked up a brush again and put brush to canvas – I have experienced the birth of my granddaughters (all 4 of them!). One of them, came to live with me following all the drama and emotional disaster that a drug-addiction can bring to a family. I learned and came to grips with my daughter’s drug addiction to heroin and cocaine discovering just how little control one has to assist those we love. It was an emotional roller-coaster that only settled out a few years ago.

When I give myself a hard time for not being farther ahead in my career years after that fateful decision to become an artist, I realize that my life needed a major overhaul before there was the foundation to be the artist I was. I have been to Family Court (protecting a small child around custody and visitation - I won), Small Claims Court (defending myself against a “friend’s” unfair monetary exploitation – I won), Provincial Court (accident settlement – I won) and Supreme Court (relationship demise and fight over ownership of property – lawyers won). To make room for my art, I needed to stand up and be counted which, ultimately, meant I needed to “legally” fight for the space and right to create my art.

I did finally arrive into this space that allowed me to be an artist. Since 2009, I have been able to focus on my work. I have produced approximately 125 pieces of work. I have sold many. I have had many exhibitions. People know my name. People know my work. Others stop me on the street to chat about this piece or that or to remark on some part of my artist statement or to tell me how an exhibition a year ago, or so, still resonates in their lives. I have representation for my work and like every artist out there, I continue to cultivate more. I know my art. I know why I do art. To me art is language. No, I am not one of those artists who equate it to breathing. I can and have survived without making art in my life. I am not as happy as when I am making art. But if an earthquake happened today, I would not perish ‘cause I couldn’t paint. What art-making is for me is communicating: the same or better than talking.

They say that non-verbal language is about 80% of how we communicate. Well painting and writing – that is my 80%. Without it – I am silenced. With it – the world is my oyster.

Inaugural Meeting for New Art's Organization to Support Women in the Arts

2011-08-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

Well, if you weren't there.... the first meeting of this exciting new organization took off running. There were just about 30 women (with another 30 or so who could not make it but wanted to!). We barely fit into the room we had been graciously given by the Rhizome Cafe. We were young, old, emerging, established, published, unpublished, writers, dancers, filmmakers, painters, photographers, teachers, cultural workers, musicians.... and all hungry to get this idea up. By the end of our 2.5 hours of time we came away humming with excitement about what is possible, what can happen, but more importantly what will happen here in Vancouver to support women in the arts.

Our next meeting August 23rd at 7 pm. If you want to be involved and/or want to be kept abreast of what we are up to email for more details: womensartcoop@gmail.com.

Hope to see you at one of the upcoming events and/or meetings soon!

Bernadine accepted into the Federation of Canadian Artists

2011-08-01T10:27:00.001-07:00

I don't know about the rest of you but the recent Canadian postal strike not only delayed the delivery of some of my mail: some of it seems to have been irretrievably lost. Despite the fact that the postal strike is over and has been for over a month, the mail held back during that time has never arrived. One of those pieces was a letter from the Federation of Canadian Artists accepting my application and my work for Active membership.

I must admit I feel a bit tickled to be accepted and look forward to my association with this esteemed organization.

New Organization being set up in Vancouver to Support Women in the Arts!

2011-07-31T23:25:00.000-07:00

"Affirmations: I am Happy" by Bernadine Fox BFA

Are you a Writer? Visual artists? Musician? Actress? Photographer? Performance Artist? Filmmaker? Join us on August 11th for the inaugural meeting of an organization being set up to serve your needs. Have a voice in what this organization will become and how it will serve you.

Currently there are many organizations across North America that function to specifically assist women involved in creative fields whether it is visual arts, music, performance art including acting and dance, writing and film. Women in and around Vancouver are now meeting to pull together an arts organization specifically designed to support your creative pursuits. The organizers are in the very formative stages of developing this organization and want to incorporate into its very foundation your voice and the needs that women, such as yourself, who have identified issues you face in pushing your career forwards.

During the early evening of August 11th, we will be having our very first meeting where we begin those all important discussions on what an organization that supports women in the arts in this area needs to look like; what mandates does it need to incorporate; what programs does it need to offer; how should it be structured (memberships, etc.); and what services would it need to provide to be relevant to the needs of women living and working in the creative fields in this region.

This email is being sent to you because the organizers and/or someone you know thought you might profit from this type of organization and/or your input as a woman working in a creative field would be extremely valuable to assist us in developing a pertinent and relevant organization designed to help other women.

If you are a woman who is engaged in a creative profession, this will be your arts organization. It is being established to support your success. Come and give us input on how it can best serve you as your career moves forward.

Meeting Location: August 11^th (2011) @ 5:30 pm

Place: Rhizome Café, 317 E. Broadway, Vancouver BC – Meeting Room area

Please feel free to forward this invitation to any woman you think would want to participate and/or know about this organization. If you have received this through one of your friends instead of one of the organizers and you want to make sure you get notified of our activities, send a brief email to the womensartcoop@gmail.com and ask to be placed on the mailing list. We will be happy to do this.

If you have any questions and/or are unable to join us on this day but would like to offer input please contact either Bernadine or Andrea via email: womensartcoop@gmail.com.

Organizers:

Andrea Nicki Ph.D.—Andrea is a poet, theorist, visual artist, and educator who teaches at SFU. Her first book of poetry was published by Inanna Press. A second book is currently under review. She has been part of various women’s arts organizations such as Kate Millet’s community in NY, and a center/store in Montreal.

www.andreanicki.com

Bernadine Fox BFA– Bernadine is a visual artist, writer, teacher, and curator who works in Vancouver. She has been on the board of various arts organization and is the past national BC representative for CARFAC. For more information visit her website at:

www.bernadinefox.ca

**************

If you will like to check out what other women’s art organizations are doing across North America and the UK we have included a list of website addresses below.

List of other Women’s Art Organizations

http://www.wix.com/michyvanvan/thatswomenswork#!

http://mawa.ca/

http://womanmade.org/aboutus.html

http://www.society-women-artists.org.uk/

http://www.nawanet.org/

http://womenarts.org/

http://www.acwc.ca/

http://www.warc.net/

Invictus by W. E. Henley

2011-07-02T11:10:00.001-07:00

There are moments where it is apropros to quote those who have come before:

"OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbow'd.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the
Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

Invictus, by W.E. Henley

Do you know a Pyschopath or Sociopath? Most of us do!

2011-06-11T08:10:00.001-07:00

Before I begin my long blog on psychopaths I want to make it abundantly clear that I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, counsellor or any other type of professional speaking from that perspective. This is not a definitive essay on psychopaths. This is just me talking about a type of person that I have had the unfortunate experience of running up against in my life several times too often. Because the popular media has sensationalized them, most of us think that we will never meet or interact with someone who is a psychopath. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Did you know that, according to a world renown (and BC's own) expert Dr. Robert Hare, 1 in 25 people in the general population are psychopaths? That is a lot of people. This means that it is HIGHLY likely that you personally know someone who fits the definition of a psychopath. Most of them are NOT out killing small animals as youngsters, they are NOT engaged in serial killing, nor are they out starting fires. Many, many of them are hidden amongst us acting charismatically “normal” but pathologically lying, unable to emotionally attach, bond, and literally incapable of caring how their actions may effect those around them. I personally have come into close enough contact, for a long enough period of time, to know at least two people who are sociopathic. These individuals master the art of faking “normal.” So, it is not so easy to identify them and they are even adept at fooling the professionals that we lay people rely on to know better.

“[M]ost of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late.” (http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html)

There are a lot of terms that get bantered around when we talk about psychopaths including sociopath and anti-social personality. Essentially, all these terms are essentially one and the same diagnosis. For the purpose of this blog post, I will use the term "psychopath."

Pyschopathic individuals are NOT mentally ill by definition but someone whose brain is literally constructed differently than the rest of us. Also, just to clear up some misconceptions, psychopaths are not schizophrenic, don't have split personalities, nor are they multiple or dissociative. For instance, a person with schizophrenia has differences in the composite of their brain chemistry than those of us who do not have it. Someone who is a psychopath usually starts out with an attachment disorder as a baby and graduates to Oppositional Defiance Disorder as a young child moving to Conduct Disorder as a teenager and finally (and only if they allow themselves and/or are forced into treatment) are diagnosed as Psychopaths by the time they hit adulthood. All of that said, a psychopath or sociopath is not always violent turning into a serial killer like Bundy, Dahmer, Manson, or Aileen. The more common sociopath/psychopath is the CEO of a major corporation, an investment banker, or your landlord.

So, let me give you a list of behaviours commonly found in someone who is a psychopath/sociopath. This is reprinted without change from “Profile of the Sociopath” @ http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html. It is a summary taken from and based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare. If you so desire you can check them against Dr. Robert Hare’s actual list published at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hare_Psychopathy_Checklist. Dr. Robert Hare is a renown expert on psychopaths. What I like about this list, is that it replaces elite psycho-speak with common everyday language.

Glibness and Superficial Charm
Manipulative and Conning: They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
Grandiose Sense of Self: Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
Pathological Lying: Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt: A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
Shallow Emotions: When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
Incapacity for Love
Need for Stimulation: Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
Callousness/Lack of Empathy: Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature: Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency: Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
Irresponsibility/Unreliability: Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity: Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle: Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility: Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
Authoritarian
Secretive
Paranoid
Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
Conventional appearance
Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
Incapable of real human attachment to another
Unable to feel remorse or guilt
Extreme narcissism and grandiose
May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

And there is one more that Dr. Robert Hare’ has included in his list that is not quite recognized in this one which is “Acquired behavioural sociopathy/sociological conditioning (Item 21: a newly identified trait i.e. a person relying on sociological strategies and tricks to deceive).”[1] This means that a psychopath will easily adopt new behaviours that they recognize as beneficial to The Con (i.e., a psychopathic mother will recognize and immediately adopt behaviours that a social worker wants to see to be assured of proper parenting.) They are adept at weeding out what people want to hear and shifting (within seconds) their "reality" to comply with the desire of others.

If you would like to find out if you know or have known a psychopath (which you probably have!), follow this link and take a short quiz…. http://crime.about.com/library/blpsychoquiz.htm

Until you understand the difference between someone who has the capacity to feel an entire range of emotions, who can empathize with others or become emotionally attached or bonded to or with another human being, who can consider the needs of others AND someone who cannot do those things – you will not comprehend how some can walk among us without the same humanity we all know and some of us absolutely rely on. Not all of us are “essentially good.” A psychopath who is a mother cannot and will not care about the welfare of her children. They may mimic how other mothers are caring and compassionate parents, but eventually it will become clear that charming words are not followed by real actions. You cannot rely on maternal instincts to guide her actions and/or reactions.

So for instance, if Casey Anthony (the Florida mother ion trial right now for killing her two-year-old daughter, Caylee Anthony) is a psychopath, as is being speculated by psychological experts in the media, then she can and will fake whatever emotions she believes are required to con the jury deciding her fate. While listening to the description of Caylee’s body and how it was discovered, she apparently cries, looks physically sick, and seems to be in emotional agony. These are all physical characteristics that can be mimicked. She did this at what has been called a ‘pivotal moment’ in court where Caylee (the dead child) went from being the beautiful healthy and happy child to being clearly the victim and, as HLN’s Nancy Grace describes, was “discarded like trash.” In fact, if Casey Anthony is the psychopath that people believe she is, she would have been literally compelled in this moment to demand the attention of the court and portray herself as the true or bigger victim than her child (i.e., The judge did not point out to the jury that they were adjourning court early that day because Casey was sick. So when everyone was supposed to stand to show respect as the jury exits the courtroom, she took this moment to "collapse" into her chair bringing attention to the fact that she was "sick." However shortly after the jury had left, she was quite mentally alert in relating to her lawyer and physically capable of leaving the courtroom.) A narcissistic need for attention, in the face of people paying extreme attention again to her child, would be overwhelming and impossible to ignore. People report that she did this same behaviour whenever someone tried to talk about Caylee exclaiming “What about me?!” This was a clear “What about me?” in front of this jury. I hope they see it for what it was.

" Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. ‘Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat,’ says Seto. ‘There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker.’" (http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html)

You can rely on the fact that a psychopath will do and say whatever they need to to get what they want (however, frivolous), They will conjure up and display whatever emotion they can act out to support their demand, assertions, complaints if it will get them what they want.

Parenting a psychopath is not covered in any parenting handbook that I know of. So many people say, “Why didn’t they do something, see something, get help for this child?” Truth is there is no help for a psychopath and if you get them into treatment/counselling what most often happens is that they learn the language of treatment and healing and then use it to obfuscate and manipulate others into thinking that they are healthy…. remember everything they say and do is The Con designed to do get their needs met regardless of the consequences for others (including their children). If they tell you how great you are and how much they care and admire you…. That is The Con. If they express how you are the ONLY person/professional/therapist who has ever understood or helped them and that they couldn’t do without you, you can take from that that you are more easily conned than others. If they tell you that you have disappointed them and/or that they don’t like something you did or that you hurt their feelings…. That is The Con. If they are caught and accused of victimizing someone they will turn it around and claim to be the victim themselves! Everything…. every part of what they do is The Con to get something, effect something, or make something happen that is to their benefit. For the most part, none of it is real and, according to the experts, little of it ever will be real. A psychopath is not capable of ever achieving real emotions or concern for those around him. Like a child molester, there is no known treatment for psychopaths and, in fact, engaging in treatment just assists them in figuring out how to create a better Con. The same condition that determines they are psychopaths (i.e., construction of their brains) also compels them to always better their Con. Now that said, they can experience and/or exhibit what appears to be real feelings. For instance, if caught in a lie they may "own up" to what they did and seemingly sincerely resolve to do better. However, a psychopaths "owning up" is a means of deflecting from the fact they are a liar and protraying themselves as the purveyors of truth and their sincerity around "doing better" is taking what they have learned about what they did wrong in this scenario and making sure they do not get caught in the future. They may exhibit sincere concern, but more likely the sincerity is for themselves although they are can and will claim it is for someone or something else if that furthers The Con.

Trying to love and care about someone who is a psychopath carries its own limits and challenges. Psychopaths are constantly moving and juggling their lies. In fact, one of the most egregious acts one can commit against a psychopath is to be a part of a scenario where they are forced to face the truth of their lies. They do not have real feelings and find those who do contemptible and for those who care about them, in particular people like their mother, even more stupid and loathsome and, therefore, (and most importantly to them) more easily conned. Most often, the experience of living with, caring about, or having an intimate relationship with someone who is a psychopath often leaves folks emotionally frantic and bewildered. Dr Robert Hare suggests that encountering a psychopath often leads to “devastating effects”[2], being “trapped in [a] web of deceit and control… financially and emotionally,[3]” feeling extremely anxious and painfully confused about their behaviour or demands. He also states quite clearly that “there is no evidence that parenting behaviour causes psychopathy.”[4]

I suspect the enormous attention afforded the Casey Anthony trial in Florida is directly because so many of us have had some direct and painful contact with a psychopath and we recognize what this woman is. The anger directed at her, is our held back anger at another psychopath who managed to leave us hurt, broken, confused, and emotionally and financially poorer. Our desire to see her as guilty and duly punished for the death of her child, is to find vindication for our own experiences. What we can also take from this is, that as a society, it may also signify that we have learned to identify psychopaths and perhaps we will not be so easily conned by those we meet in the future.

Want to know more? Read Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert D. Hare, PhD.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hare_Psychopathy_Checklist

[2] Hare, Robert D. PhD, Without Conscience: The Distrubing World of the Psychopaths Among Us. Guilford Press. NY. 1993. p 207

[3] Hare, p 211.

[4] Hare, p 215.

The Society for Women Artists, UK

2011-05-15T15:14:00.000-07:00

"Woman of Substance" by Bernadine Fox BFA oil on canvas 20 x 24" SOLD

In following up on my most recent blog, I wanted to share a website and society that I found that was established in 1855 to support women artists gain recognition for their work. They are still in existence today and maintain their status as an organization that helps serious female artists in their profession. I will not re-write what is already written so eloquently - so here is an excerpt right from their History page.

'The Society of Women Artists, having been established in or around 1855 to give serious women artists the opportunity to exhibit, has continued to attract some of the most noted artists of the time. It now has some of the finest contemporary women artists as its selected members and its reputation for excellence is well deserved.
Many might say that in these times of political correctness, a Society consisting solely of women artists is a little outmoded, but our unique history is worth continuing. To cease to exist due to the mood of the moment would be a great tragedy and disrespectful to the memory of the great women artists of the past who fought so hard for recognition of their art. As President I will continue to preserve and uphold the traditions and professional standards previously attained, whilst moving forward in the modern world.'
(President: Barbara Penketh Simpson)

Founded as the Society of Female Artists, this unique group has held an annual exhibition in London of the work of women artists ever since 1857. In the process, it has introduced many famous names to the world of fine art appreciation, and their works to well-known art galleries and public places.

In the mid-nineteenth century, women were not considered to be serious contributors to the field of art and had great difficulty in obtaining a public showing. At the first exhibition, 149 women showed 358 works, some hiding their true identities for fear of social recrimination.

The art world was dominated by the Royal Academy which, at its foundation in 1768, had two women among the founders but had no other women academicians for over 150 years when, in 1922, Annie Swynnerton S.W.A (a member since 1889) was elected as an Associate.

The Society attracted some of the most noted artists of the time; when Lady Elizabeth Butler's The Roll Call was displayed at the Royal Academy in 1874, even Ruskin, with his peculiar views of femininity, revised his opinion that no woman could paint. The S.F.A was involved in education for women artists, effectively excluded by the mores of the time from professional training. Even for those who did gain a place at art school, the model in the women's class would be decorously draped on grounds of propriety.

With increasing access to professional training came higher standards or the Society's exhibitions and a name change (in 1869) to the Society of Lady Artists. Appropriately, in the last year of the century, the mid-Victorian persona was discarded and the twentieth century was embraced by the Society with the new name: The Society of Women Artists. The patron is HRH Princess Michael of Kent but the Society has enjoyed Royal patronage since 1865.

The Society has had many famous artists among its members. Dame Laura Knight, the first woman Royal Academician for over 160 years, was elected President of the S.W.A in 1932. The world-famous illustrator Mabel Lucy Atwell was a member. Current members include Daphne Todd OBE, the first woman President of the Royal Portrait Society; well-known portraitist June Mendoza OBE; the late Suzanne Lucas, Past President of both the Society of Botanical Artists and the Royal Miniature Society, who in 1980 was elected as the first woman president of a Royal Society; and Philomena Davis, elected first woman President of the Royal Society of British Sculptors in 1990. The current President is Barbara Penketh Simpson.

Many S.W.A members are also members of other well-established societies such as the Royal Society of British Artists, the Royal Institute of Painters in Watercolour, the Pastel Society and the Society of Equestrian Artists. More recently, the Society has taken steps to preserve its heritage. The Victoria and Albert Museum's Archive of Art and Design has custody of the archives, which give great insight into the fortunes and struggles of the Society and will be preserved for future generations. The Society of Women Artists Exhibitors 1855 to 1996, already in reprint, is a four-volume dictionary of all the exhibitors collated from old catalogues. Only the Royal Academy and the Scottish Royal Academy produce such records.

The aim of the charity, to promote art by women, is fulfilled by the annual open exhibition at The Mall Galleries when about 500 selected works in all media and subjects are shown by members and exhibitors. The great strength and attraction of the exhibition is that there is something for all tastes, the work is affordable and entrance is free. The great strength and attraction of the exhibition is that there is something for all tastes.

The Society is constantly developing as a diverse, vital and forward looking organization living up to the great traditions of its pioneering founders.

Interested in knowing more about them? Here is their web address: http://www.society-women-artists.org.uk/index.htm.

Family Px: Exploring the Personalities of a Dissociation (DID) System

2011-05-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

(above) From series Family Px Laura 12 years (Learning life through board games of strategy. If only she could help apply those approaches to dealing with the things that happened in the night time. Perhaps then she could “win” and make it stop) and Verena 4 years (... loves music it is in her bones and makes her body move to the rhythms that filter in through her ears making her brain forget anything she might have seen or experienced that is painful or scary. Music made it all go away.)

The concept of Dissociative Identities (formerly called Multiple Personalities) has been embraced by contemporary society. Unfortunately, popular culture has glamorized and sensationalized this “disorder.” United States of Tara attempts to give an authentic demonstration of how DID manifests within a domestic scenario, albeit with quite polarized personality-types. Other TV shows like Law & Order and Criminal Minds exploit the idea of different personalities as a means of advancing unique crime plots or solving implausible story impasses usually where someone with DID is the insane murderer. Popular culture, with their limited idea of what DID is, or is not, along with an imposed time frame to work within (40-42 minutes in an hour-long drama), disallows for the inclusion of the paradigm shift required to understand the intricate, subtle nuances and complexity of DID.

(above) From series Family Px Georgia 1 year (Everyone knew that Georgia was still very small. She was just learning to walk but already outside folks were making her do things that she didn’t like. Someone decided that helping her learn to walk might help her get away. So a bunch of us are helping her everyday. She is getting pretty good at it.)

Dissociation is not about crazed serial murderers or individuals plagued by promiscuity and drastic deviations in style, voice, and dress. It is about the normal human condition coping with life despite facing extreme childhood trauma. Where there is usually a singular person with different sides to their personality (i.e., how one behaves in church as opposed to attending a party) in DID there is a plural system of personalities each with their own strengths, life skills, and weaknesses sharing the same life. Together, they navigate the human experience.

(above) From series Family Px Tommy baby (What's to say? Tommy was a baby who never got to grow up. We liked the way he giggled - a baby giggle. So, we made sure nothing bad ever happened to him so that he wouldn't forget how to giggle.)

After having worked with thousands of individuals with DID over many years, the types of portrayals found in popular culture are the exception not the rule. To counter this, Bernadine is creating a series entitled Family Px wherein she employs the use of image and narrative to reveal typical personalities within DID and how they operate in their internal and external worlds. These six pieces are the first of many, many more to come.

(above) From series Family Px Sarah 9 years (Sarah’s favourite place in the whole world was the backyard with her bubbles. So long as she focussed on making them and then watching them float up higher and higher into the sky, the other stuff going on around her could be ignored.)

These mixed media assemblage art pieces will be exhibited and on sale at The Centre for the Study of Gender, Social Inequities, and Mental Health workshop entitled Critical Inquiries in Mental Health Paradigms and Praxis on May 9th, 2011 in Vancouver, BC.

On Being a Woman Artist

2011-05-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

Bernadine Fox BFA @ Firehall Exhibition 2011 (photo by Sabaheta Saba Hadzikadic)

Sometimes, when I am lying in my bed, I find myself softly rubbing my feet together. There is a small imperfection in the sole of my right foot– a ridge that, at times, scraps against my other foot. It is always there. Far from being disconcerting, I find it comforting that this blemish can be found in the early morning hours. It reminds me that I am here: still me; rooted in this physical body of mine.

One of the other constants in my life is being an artist. I can recall being six years old and deciding (in whatever seriousness that a youngster that age can muster up) that I would be an artist when I grew up. I started painting in oils at the tender age of 10 years. However, as life and reality marched in, my adult left brain went into this career kicking and screaming, “Seriously! Are you kidding me? An artist? What about making a living…. eating… raising children…. ? HELLO! Earth to Berni.” Honestly, there are days when I wish that who I intrinsically was inside is a corporate lawyer who absolutely loved the legal games, court proceedings, and good fights where you took your opponent down with glee. Not because you were the defendant of truth and justice but because you had the best game pieces and could deliver a good debate.

I came up against one of those types once upon a time. She was a nasty piece of work – pit bull-type (even looked like one). She wore skirts that were too short and skin tight over her stocky body with shirts that strategically showed off cleavage. She talked like a little girl to the judge and gossiped loudly like a school-girl outside the courtroom. But to her opponent, she was a slimy, lying, attacking, greedy, unscrupulous bitch who cared little for the truth. You could tell from the look on her face, she loved every moment of emotionally tearing someone apart regardless of whether or not she was on the side of what was just. To her, the hunt and kill was all that mattered. It was okay to put her kid through medical school off the estate of an old, disabled woman inflicted with diabetes and Alzheimer then leave that person (her client!) to spend the rest of her wretched life penniless so long as she, herself, sported the blood of the hunt!

Why couldn’t I find within my work aptitude something that leaned towards law? Granted I would dress better than the woman described above and most definitely would bring a cleaner ethic to my work. But it’s work -- like being an artist is work. However, in the former you garner an easier pay-cheque and you get to dress in better garb. As an artist, my work clothes are the ones that have inadvertently been the victim of my focus on the art piece in front of me instead of my clothes which, subsequently, I can then no longer wear anywhere else. I took my granddaughter to her dance lesson at the JCC last night. All the parents were arriving in their work clothes: suits, skirts, dresses, ties, pants… and then there was me -- in my painting clothes. Despite the fact that an art gallery took up a main portion of the lobby area, I was decidedly out of place in my “work” clothes.

I work in one of the only professions where getting a post-secondary education doesn’t necessarily mean you will get any recognition, validation, respect or a higher wage. Don’t get me wrong, I get plenty of these just not from obtaining my BFA. It is also the only profession where people presume that you will work for free and will “love” to donate your work to other causes besides your household income and/or hang your work in their lobby/restaurant/office for free “exposure” so that other people can enjoy your work as they sip their coffee. As Chris Tyrell, author of Artist Survival Skills said “Artists are the face of many social causes. … Given the low income of most artists, it seems unfair to expect them to support social causes when our society does so little to support artists.” (Tyrell: Artists Survival Skills. 2008 pg60) He reported that in a six-week period alone, five visual art organizations reported raising ¾ of a million dollars through works of art donated by artists who received little to no money for their donation which, on top of it, is often NOT tax-deductible to boot.

People whine “Oh, I would like to sit around all day and paint (read: doodle) too!” No, you don’t! Despite being a female artist, I have earned attention for my work and my sales are not too shabby. But more commonly, it is very hard being a female artist in contemporary society. As far back as art history has been documented (the caves of France!) men have been artists. For a very long time, ONLY men were allowed to be artists. Women were taught to paint but ONLY as a hobby. They were not allowed to actually work as artists. They were not commissioned to make art. They had no patrons to support them working in art. No… men were artists. Women (according to the social structure around them) were hobbyists. Not too long ago, the History of Art textbook assigned to my class at Emily Carr, which was two inches thick did not document nor mention one female artist. Not one!

Shades of this discrepancy are still true today. In fact, our most creative fields are decidedly sexist in their job divisions. This includes the film industry, the writing field, and certainly the visual art community, to mention a few. Hill Strategies Research, Inc. completed research that demonstrated that that breakdown of income generated by Canadian artists is decidedly different when viewed by gender. Men make way more than women. Yes, we have organizations now that support women as artists. But men still make more money as artists, they are given more kudos and accolades and their work is given more credibility easier and faster than a woman’s will be. The Gorilla Girls exist for a reason. Women’s work is still unfortunately too often dismissed as trivial and allotted to being the product of a hobby or overindulgence instead of a serious examination and pursuit of an art practice.

So just to recap with some solid statistics, here are some facts generated out of Hill Strategies Research Inc. in Canada:

Key findings

Based on 2001 census, [artists have]:

• a predominance of women;

• very low earnings; and

• There are 131,000 artists in Canada.

Concerning the earnings of artists, this study shows that:

• Artists’ earnings are very low, with average earnings of $23,500

• Economic returns to higher education are much lower for artists than for other workers. Over 40% of artists hold a university degree, yet university-educated artists earn, on average, just over half of the average earnings of university-educated workers in the overall labour force. [The percentage of artists with a university degree, certificate or diploma (41%) is double the rate in the overall labour force (22%). Relatively little opportunity for full-time work in the arts – only one-third of artists indicated that they worked on a full-time full-year basis in 2000, compared to over one half of the overall labour force.]

But most importantly to someone trying to make it as a female artist!

(continued) Regarding gender distribution, this study finds that:

• There are more female (71,000) than male (59,700) artists.

• Another key factor in the low earnings of artists is the situation of female artists, who earn, on average, almost $10,000 less than male artists ($19,400 versus $28,300).

(http://www.hillstrategies.com/docs/Artists_in_Canada.pdf)

Despite the fact that there are more female artists in Canada, representation in galleries and exhibitions still seems to be far less than half when comparing the male/female ratios.

Death

2011-04-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

"Death in Six Part" mixed media by Bernadine Fox BFA

A young woman's life ended tragically in a car accident in Maple Ridge, BC a few days ago. She was the best friend of two young people who have become close to me. When I was eighteen my best friend also died in a car accident. Like this woman's, it was senseless. A few years later, my brother (at nineteen) also died. Regardless of the circumstances around such events, the death of someone at this age, makes no sense.

"As others flew east, these three crows remained behind perched high above their fallen comrade, they patiently waited while protecting the sanctity of that crow's final process: death."

Death does something to us human beings. It shakes up our arrogance that life goes on: time lends a hand for us to reach our goals; we have years to become the person we know we should be; and tomorrow arguments can be resolved. Best we can, we imagine our old age.

In the aftermath of death, our psyches frantically search for assurances of what was and/or to somehow control what has become agonizing. When my brother died, I desperately wished that I could go backwards and change a couple of the elements that caused his freak accident. If only this .... then that wouldn't happen. I realize that, even now, I hold anger that certain people didn't do things differently. It seemed that his life was cut short by stupidity. This has been one of the hardest things to grapple with over the years. In the face of death and loss, people will visit the accident site, spend endless amounts of time talking or crying about that person with family and friends, they will cling to every memory, every photo, and every item that they can find that will allow them to hold onto that person. It is normal to try and stop the hands of time marching on while you try to cope with the incomprehensible.

"Death is always with us, woven into our lives, as surely as we breathe, it comes to us unadorned and as simple as these sentinel crows."

People will say the oddest things, do the oddest things, and think the oddest things. My mother took great pains to describe the accident scene of my best friend and the injuries she sustained. To this day, the visual image it conjured up of my injured and dying friend has been emblazoned on my memory of her. Someone tried to console me with the fact that my brother's "death" date was "written in the sky and when that time comes no one can stop it." With death, everyone is doing their level best to cope with something that truly makes no sense. People who care for those who are grieving will want to somehow magically take their pain away. But, there is little that mitigates that loss. This pain is bigger than any words or gestures.

"Regardless of the company we keep, death cannot be shared. It is ours, and ours alone (just as is life) to do well."

Despite the initial, horrible shock of losing someone in one's life, it won’t always be hard. There comes a time when life provides opportunities to put a friend’s life and death into the place it will ultimately take. The hardest part of death is not what came before (the living experiences) or even the moment death grabs someone away from us…. it is learning to live beyond this tragedy and without that person ever physically gracing another moment in your life. Of course, ultimately, we do. In the meantime, it is a normal part of the grieving process to go over every detail of their life and your relationship with them. It is also normal to eventually discover that you can breathe again, or that you can laugh without guilt or concern for your friend. Eventually, you will sleep again undisturbed, your appetite will return, your fear for them will lessen, and you will once again find a way to embrace your goals wholeheartedly knowing that that person who loved you would want you to have the best life you can possibly have.

"Each breath moves us towards the eventuality of death: a state we cannot possibly comprehend regardless of how many times we bear witness at someone's bedside or funeral."

I have no magic wand to tell me if there is truly life-after-death or if reincarnation exists. I like to think they do and I do confess to believing in ghosts. But when it comes to dealing with finality of a person's death - what I do know absolutely is this: the only thing that changes and continues to change, for some time, is the physical relationship you previously enjoyed with that person. From the perspective of someone who is in her fifties who lost a best friend and brother some thirty years ago, what has continued to endure over time - without fail - is the spiritual connection you had with that person. Your friendship and caring for each other will never change. Years and decades later that person will still be your best friend, your brother, your partner, your parent, your grandfather, etc. Their caring advice for you will still echo in your ears, how much they loved and/or admired you and you for them will still be generated in your heart whenever you think of them, and how you felt in their company will still be how you feel in remembering your physical time with them. It will be exactly the same as it was the last time you saw each other, the last time you hugged, or the last time you laughed together. That connection is timeless and it is yours for always to rely on whenever you need it.

"Constantly planning our own futures, (the next event, partner, painting, or poem) how can we fully grasp the concept of never-again; never-no-more; or nothingness? What if there is no after-life in which to carry on? How does one do death or, perhaps more correctly, not do death?"

So the key to dealing with death is to cry and grieve, and then cry some more and then maybe some more … and then, in days or weeks from now there will come small moments when you can let it go little by little and begin to embrace all that was good – because, ultimately, that is what you created with that person (not this accident or illness or death). That emotional/spiritual connection you created with that person is yours and nothing can take that away unless you (yourself) deny it.

"Ultimately, death solicits change. It insists we re-evaluate our lives and enter tomorrow prepared for a new flight."

And, with that you will embrace what did you enjoy with this person.... life!

April's Drawing Class starts on the 16th!

2011-04-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

"Eyes 2" graphite on archival paper, 16 x 12" by Bernadine Fox BFA (SOLD)

Drawing Class Starts April 16th!

Drawing: Why we do it? Why might you choose to?

My love for drawing started when I was about six years old. I can recall knowing then that I would be an artist when I was older. By the time I was ten, I had begun working with my mother's oil paints and was copying Dorothy Oxborough's oil pastel paintings of native children. This dream was put on hold as I worked to feed, clothe, and house my children as a single parent. I worked in the film industry as a production manager and producer and then with victims of violence as a support worker and consultant. Many times over the last 30 years, I feared that drawing and art were not going to be able to make a comeback in my life. Nonetheless, there came a time in 1998 when I realized that I needed to bring more creativity into my life. Currently, I facilitate the Expressive Arts Group out of the Gallery Gachet for the West Coast Mental Health Network in Vancouver BC. I paint, write, draw, and do collage work. I also exhibit these works in and around Vancouver and beyond along with curating other art exhibitions. And although I have taught painting in the past, what I truly love to

teach is the art of drawing.

Why drawing? Drawing is not only simple, it is the foundation of every other art form whether it is painting, sculpting, public art, fashion, graphic design, filmmaking or animation to name a few. It can, literally, be done anywhere. You do not need complicated and sometimes toxic materials or tools. A basic pencil and paper will do. However, if you desire, you can embellish drawing with different kinds of mediums such as charcoal, conté, pencil crayons, along with oil or chalk pastels. You can try pen and ink or a combination of painting and drawing. I recently curated an art exhibition for the Vancouver Drawn Festival which included pieces by Ilze Bebris drawn with wire and one by Bruce Ames down with computer pixels. The notion of drawing continues to expand pushing the edges of what we traditionally accept. And just as there are many types of drawing tools, there are many ways to draw: contour, blind contour, line, scribbling, cross-hatching, smudging, pointillism, constricted, shading, etc.

Image: Types of Lines (handout) by Bernadine Fox BFA

What thrills me most about teaching drawing is handing people the hard won/learned tools of the trade: the tricks of perspective, the use of a red gel to push your darks darker and getting your lights lighter, and using negative and positive shapes to double check your drawing to name just a few. We discuss composition and mull over the use of light and investigate how it meanders over objects in our still-lives. I, as the instructor, get the best seat in the class. I get to watch as their drawing skills improve exponentially week after week as they experience more and more personal satisfaction out of their efforts. What could be better?

Image: "Clown" Conte on paper 20 x 24" by Bernadine Fox BFA (sold)

I used to teach drawing as a drop-in class in Vancouver’s DTES for Gallery Gachet. It was truly a wonderful experience. Now I teach out of my painting studio at William Clark Studios. My classes are small (maximum of six) and the participants must be 45 years or older. Why? Because there is something that happens when you get older, like myself: your brain learns differently. Also, hanging about with a bunch of young adults in an art class isn’t as much fun when you are in your 50’s as it was when you were in your 20’s or even 30’s. The small group makes for the possibility of really getting to know each other and share what you are learning and doing in a safe, supportive environment. Don’t misunderstand: there is nothing easy about my drawing exercises. I have a great time pushing people through their drawing paces. And each and every time, people rise to the occasion putting drawing tool to paper and pushing their own limits of what they thought they could do. The results are impressive.

Image: Contour Sleeping (print) by Bernadine Fox BFA

Yup! I think I am one of the luckiest people in the world. Not only did I get back to my art, I get to teach other people to do the same.

If you are interested in attending one of my drawing classes visit my website at http://www.bernadinefox.ca/drawing_class.html . You will find up-to-date information on upcoming classes, dates, suggested drawing materials to bring, and how to register. Online registrations are easy. You can pay via PayPal, all major credit cards, by installments, cheque and, of course, cash. However, please note, I only do three of these classes per year and the participants are kept at a maximum of six. This means that there are not many spaces each year to get into one of my classes and they do fill up quickly. I do keep waiting lists for upcoming classes and if you are unable to get into one, I can make sure to give you priority seating in the next one.

If you have any questions about the drawings classes, please do not hesitate to contact me via email at info@bernadinefox.ca.

Draft Blog, Draft Blog, Draft Blog....

2011-03-28T09:05:00.001-07:00

There is one inherent problem with modern technology: it can become a bit of a nag. It is like one is badgering oneself. I have a Samsung Jack phone. It is kinda like a blackberry but not quite one. Has a lot of bells and whistles that I find essential in my life.

I also have Chronic Fatique Syndrome (CFS). When I was diagnosed, I spent a good deal of time analyzing exactly what took physical energy throughout the day. You would be surprised what types of things you do that cost you energy. I had a leather coat that I had to give away because it was too heavy to wear. I learned how to get things through my house in stages. Laundry got from the bathroom basket to the top of the stairs one day and downstairs the next. If I was lucky, I had reason to be in the basement and I could start a load. This type of negotiating and juggling use of energy went on and on until I could finish whole tasks. One of the major things I had to give up was my daytime organizer. At that time, twelve years ago, wherever I went, I carried my daytimer (calendar and phone book in paper form), my cell phone, my wallet and any other necessary items in a bag. It probably weighed five pounds. Too much for CFS.

My Samsung changed that. Because I could sync it up with my computer, suddenly my calendar, note pad, and phone book were housed in a small package that weighed less than a few ounces. What a blessing!

I then tackled my wallet which if you were like me was getting increasingly bulkier with endless pieces of plastic. There was the usual driver, medical, and credit cards. But then it included debit cards along with the numerous retail cards: Safeway, Shopper's, Save-On, etc., etc. My wallet was looking more like a small clutch purse. So, I reduced it down to my driver's license and debit card. I did this by duplicating the barcodes from all the cards used on a regular basis and attaching them to the back of my driver's license. Still scanable, I was able to reduce the weight of my wallet down to a negligible amount and sometimes all I had to do was put those two plastic cards in my pants pocket.

So my Samsung (along with my computer) runs my life. The reminder function is set to let me know of upcoming appointments and tasks. And that is great.... until your life is taken up with an unusual task, like moving and then the reminders become something else not completely appreciated until this point in history. I have been endlessly nagged by my phone! I have it set to remind me to draft and post a blog posting each week. Of course, with CFS, moving interrupted this. So my phone for the last week has been "reminding" me to draft a blog post. Not wanting to put this off for one more week but being unable to find the time yet to do it, I have kept pushing the "remind" option: it comes in several options two of which are "1 hour" and "1 day." So for over a week, my phone has diligently reminded me to DRAFT BLOG every hour until I got impatient with it or it was too late at night to contemplate writing it, and set it for a day later. And then the next day, I would be back to reminding myself every hour again until that was not possible. I would guess that my phone has now reminded me to draft this very blogspot about 60 or so times. Diligently. Never getting angry that I haven't accomplished it yet. Never impatient with how I am setting my priorities. Never assuming to shame me into doing things differently. Never pleading. Just repeating itself like a trouper reminding me of my task: DRAFT BLOG.

DRAFT BLOG has become a joke around here every time my phone goes off. DRAFT BlOG, DRAFT BLOG, DRAFT BLOG..... and now it is done and I can finally push the "dismiss task" option. Thank God!

Moving a home...

2011-03-06T09:04:00.001-08:00

Image: Not My Love(r) 'Heart of Gold' 44 x 31" oil on canvas by Bernadine Fox BFA

Yesterday I started moving the first of hundreds of boxes of household items into my new home that I am setting up with my partner and my granddaughter. It is a new era in my life. One that I look forward to with great anticipation and joy. Being someone with Chronic Fatigue (CFS), it does mean that everything else in my life will drop by the wayside and/or be done with haste (email, facebook, blogging) and/or clung to with great appreciation (quality time with my family and painting in my studio).

I don't have a lot of time to complete this move. My next exhibition is at Firehall Arts Theatre in Vancouver, BC in mid-April. I am looking forward to the experience of pairing an exhibition with a theatre production.

So, forgive the upcoming lapse in blogging. I will be back to it on a much more regular basis very soon.

Drawing Classes with Bernadine

2011-02-23T13:44:00.001-08:00

Image: "Clown" Conte on paper 20 x 24" by Bernadine Fox BFA

Drawing

Why we do it? Why might you choose to?

teach is the art of drawing.

Image: Types of Lines (handout) by Bernadine Fox BFA

Image: Contour Sleeping by Bernadine Fox BFA

Yup! I think I am one of the luckiest people in the world. Not only did I get back to my art, I get to teach other people to do the same.

If you have any questions about the drawings classes, please do not hesitate to contact me via email at info@bernadinefox.ca.

Creativity

2011-02-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

"Smile" Sand drawing by Avy Crowchild February 2011 in White Rock BC (photo by Bernadine Fox BFA)

Creativity comes in various forms. We write, dance, sing, play, paint, sculpt, and photograph, among many other ways to make art. Creativity also comes in the form of problem-solving in the office, in building a bridge, or in developing software. Often as an artist, we can make the mistake of believing that if we aren’t actively producing work, we are not making art. I beg to differ. The act of creating is not just drawing out your ideas, researching a technique, prepping the canvas or work surface, and applying the medium used to create our next great piece of work. No the act of creating always (and I will say it again, ALWAYS) starts within the millions of thoughts and experiences that travel through your head day after day. It starts with the things that you come into contact with as you walk about your life and interact with your friends, families, and lovers. It is inspired by the things you see, others that you touch, and still others that you hear. Out of all that, connections are made that inspire the next piece or the next series of pieces so that you can relate an experience, demonstrate an idea, state a political thought, convey a feeling, or just get that shape of the petal exactly right.

I had an entire series of art pieces inspired by attending the Group of Seven show at the VAG several years back (ok it was probably a decade or more now). Great show. Can still see the paintings in my head and feel the energy surging through me when I stood in front of Ted Harris’ The Red House and Toronto Houses. Another set was inspired by attending a Shari Ulrich concert. Live music truly moves my soul. I need to do more of it. A whole exhibition came out of many, many experiences of dealing with my granddaughter’s life as a child of a drug addict. Another series came from coping with a broken heart and still another (my most recent set) from finding love and exploring how it impacts on my innermost world.

There is so much that comes before the act of laying brush to canvas. As much as there is something to be said for going to the studio every day and being disciplined in the act of creating art, don’t forget to cherish the in-between moments when your art is being conceived. Nurture these experiences and find ways to inspire new thoughts, new ideas, and new challenges. Most times, creativity gurus encourage us to meditate or go to an art gallery. But I would encourage you to do other things. Go out and find new experiences. Shake up your life. These can be big or small. Chew on the other side of your mouth. Stand on your head and look at life upside-down. Eat something you have never eaten and then do it blindfolded (thanks June!). Put sugar in your coffee (…. ugh! Okay I can’t go that far). Try on clothes you would never wear. Find music on YouTube that you would never have thought to listen to and then figure out how to dance to it – your own way! Find a swing and spend an hour. Don’t just go for a walk – feel every tree with your fingers, take your shoes off and walk barefoot on the path… in the winter mud (I live in Vancouver!).

Go to the library and throw any word into the search engine and then go look at the books in that section or close your eyes when you hit the elevator and push the first button you feel and then so search the books on that floor. Go to a video arcade and find one of those driving games where you get a steering wheel and are supposed to travel a course where your score goes up the better your skill. Instead of driving to win, put the metal to the pedal, floor it, and drive like a demon: hit every car, every guard rail, go off the edge of the screen and OMG! definitely (definitely) feel the sensation of flying over the hills. What a thrill!

So don’t lament about creative blocks. Just shake up your life and they will literally fall away.

Most of all have fun! And then send me some images of what you produce. I would love to see them.

Avy's Poem: Black and White Keys

2011-01-27T20:59:00.000-08:00

This is a poem written by my grandbaby, Avy who is 11 years old and who LOVES her piano!

Black and White Keys
by: Avy Crowchild

Black and white keys
Gently press down
Making music flow through my ears
Making Trouble Disappear

Black and white keys
Letting me have fun
Never sad when I'm done
Faster, faster, never stopping
Faster, faster, strings are popping
People asking how
People feeling proud

Black and white keys
Can I play you now?

Isn't she great? If you want to hear her sing, check out the video on the right hand column of this blog.

An Act of Silence: A Short Story

2011-01-21T10:32:00.000-08:00

(Image: "Spoilage: Family Secrets" [with caption "At age four, she kept taping her mouth shut. At age five, she continually berated herself for saying things. At age six, she was being taught not to "snitch" by her parents: one enabling the other with a drug-addiction] by Bernadine Fox BFA)

This short story was written some thirty years ago. Until I came across it the other day, I hadn't realized just how long I have been writing creatively. As I was pondering what to blog about this week, it occurred to me that I should just continue on with the theme of creative writing for January. This is the first short story I ever wrote... way back when I was much younger.

************

An Act of Silence
by Bernadine Fox BFA

The woman came every week like clockwork. She sat down in front of Jenny. Words came out of her mouth, one after the other, in a rhythmical fashion. Jenny would watch. The woman's hands moved and gestured in the air. They were slight hands that seemed to draw out towards her fingernails cut short and pink.

Jenny watched. Her jaws were shut tight as if fused by her father’s arc welder. Pain seared through her teeth, begging for release. But, she would not, could not let up. It would sneak out. Slowly at first, then in torrents: babbling, blurting, tearing up from her gut. It wanted to. She could feel it. It wanted to scream and scream and scream loud. Louder than any noise on this earth. It was right there on her lips and in her throat, pushing with all its might to get out. She held her jaw tighter. She could not say it because… she shuddered inside knowing the because. She tightly held her legs close to her body. Her little girl eyes peered over her knees. Words came at her from the smiling face of the woman bent near her. She stared. It was a nice face and she liked the sound of her voice.

Jenny’s lips tightened. She looked longingly into this inquisitive face. Her eyes were locked onto this woman’s eyes. Never varying, barely blinking she stared. The woman looked away, only for a second, then came back peering into the well of Jenny’s eyes. A tiny voice inside Jenny screamed See, Feel, Know. Please know. But her face made no expression and her body offered no clues. Motionless, she huddled there in the corner of her crumpled bedding on a cot surrounded by the four grey walls and a locked door. Her body was tightly drawn together. Her jaw was locked into position. Her eyes stared longingly, praying for this kind woman to know, Please know, please see.

“It was nice visiting with you, Jenny. I’ll come again.”

Jenny’s heart jumped. Her eyes stared even harder. The woman looked back as her hand rested on the doorknob. Jenny’s eyes were burning with fire as she stared as hard as she could. She must see.

“Such eyes you have, Jenny.”

The door opened. The woman’s body slipped through. It shut.

As still as a cornered mouse, Jenny stared at the closed door. Emptiness, stillness and silence closed in around her body. She drew her legs closer. Her jaw clamped tighter as her eyes slowly closed.

Silent Jenny began to rock.

The Little Angel on My Shelf

2011-01-09T09:40:00.000-08:00

"Affirmations: I am Grateful"
collage 1.5 x 1.5
by Bernadine Fox BFA

Like everyone (I imagine), I write poetry. I am also someone who has often been heard to say I hate poetry and that everyone and their dog is a poet. I suspect my lack of appreciation is in direct correlation to my lack of understanding. Certainly, there has been the odd poem here and there that I have truly appreciated. I am not a poet nor do I strive to be one. But, it is an art form like so many I have dabbled in over the years that provides a means of expressions. I came across this one yesterday. Written almost a decade ago, it seems apropos today.

The Little Angel on My Shelf

by Bernadine Fox BFA

__________________________________________________

When all the world was cold and grey

A little angel came my way.

She said that she would light my way

To a place where there wasn’t any cold or grey.

I said, “I don’t believe you.

Please, just go away.

All this world has ever been

In all its days is just cold and grey.”

She persisted.

But, I resisted.

I knew this was just a game

A roust to test my trust

Of them, of they

Of anyone. No way!

The world was definitely cold and grey.

She said, “Please, believe me.

With me, there can be trust.”

“Humph! I’ll do it on MY own,” I yelped

“And, if there is such a place

I will find it myself.

I don’t need any help.

And, get off of MY shelf!”

The years went by after the angel departed.

My body was bruised and broken-hearted.

But, to my surprise I finally arrived

To this place where feelings thrived

And thoughts weren’t thwarted.

I was dumbfounded.

For it was not cold & grey

But, blue and warm-hearted.

So little angel,

If again you choose to come my way

Please know, I know

Your offer was sincere.

And that little warm light you had to show

Will always be welcomed here.

Excerpt from "Transgressions"

2011-01-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

Please note: This material is fictional but deals with sexual abuse

and may be difficult for some to read.

(excerpt)

"Emily’s vulva was the portal to all that was, all that had been, and all that would be for her. Her parents focused on it when she was born a girl and not a boy. Her great-grandfather focused on it when he stuck his finger in it when she was but three and a half years old. Camera lens brought it into focus long before she understood what a photograph was and what hers would be used for. Her father focused on it when she was old enough that punishment became forcing her to have sex. Boys focused on it from the time she developed breasts (about thirteen). Men focused on it until her style of dress made them uncertain whether or not she had one. Others branded it “feminist” or “butch-dyke” to discount that which they fixated on. Women focused on it when they offered up theirs.

In fact, every rite of passage for Emily involved her vulva. It was the political center of being female. The quality of her life, even from the ripe old age of fifty on, depended on her truly appreciating the significance it had had on her life. The lives Emily had lived and loves Emily had loved (requited or not) had history that was indelibly insinuated and pressed into the fibers of those small bits of flesh between her legs."

(excerpt from Transgressions, 2009 by B. Fox)

Image (above) "Affirmations: I am Safe." Images (below respectively) "Affirmations: I am Loved; I Live in My Truth; I am Open; and I am Happy" Original collages are 1.5 x 1.5" framed wall jewellery. Prints are 4 x 4" on wall tiles ready to hang. All can be purchased from my website at http://www.bernadinefox.ca/boutique.html

Ravens

2011-01-03T23:06:00.001-08:00

I hold an enormous amount of respect for ravens. However, my admiration does not make me an expert. Those who do study them have expounded on their sophisticated vocabulary and communication skills. Ravens have a social system where they share not just food but knowledge along with developing long term plans. As birds go, they possess a higher functioning brain that allows for complex learning and problem-solving, long term memory, and the ability to develop their own individuality and a moral capacity. In fact, it is believed that they rival great apes in their cognitive capacity. They mate for life, live in groups, and are known to engage in playing games with other animals (including wolves) and inventing toys.

Notable writers have woven the mysterious and remarkable raven into their stories including William Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, Charles Dickens, J. R.R. Tolkein, and Stephen King. The Bible notes that the raven was the first animal out of Noah’s Arc.

In mythology and folklore, regardless of the nationality of the myth, the raven plays a pivotal role from the contrary, negative trickster and thief who represents death and evil to the giver of light, creation, wisdom, and healing. Native spirituality, depending on the nation, often includes the raven as the creator who discovered the first people, the one who brought fire to the people, the trickster who brings the sun back to the sky, a messenger who forewarns of new learning or conscious awareness, the guardian of ceremonial magic, and the healer. The raven also symbolizes what is both good and bad within the notion of magic: when misused it can be bad and when used appropriately it is abundantly good.

When I was fifteen I left my childhood home and ended up living on the Tsuu T'ina Reserve outside Calgary, Alberta. I became the young wife to a Crowchild. I have been told that way back when, the white settlers did not understand the difference between crows and ravens. When native people’s surnames were being translated from their native tongue, this family’s was improperly changed from Children of the Raven to Children of the Crow (a.k.a. Crowchild). My brother-in-law, Bradley Crowchild, was a native healer-in-training when he passed away several years ago. His wake was several days long and held several miles away from the cemetery where he was laid to rest. His body was transported on the back of a half-ton truck. The ballbearers sat on either side of him singing and drumming native songs the entire way. Five ravens followed this progression from beginning to end. The ravens remembered their own.

Ravens have remained one of my most favourite animals. Not just because their brilliance leaves me in awe but because they symbolize a characteristic associated with humanity: all of life comes in equal doses of good and bad and discerning which is which cannot be found relying on social norms but by embracing one's individual critical facilities and moral compass.

It is for this reason, I give homage to ravens in my most recent series of drawings.

Images: Raven (#1, 8, 9, 3, & 2 respectively) 10 x 10" 2010 by Bernadine Fox BFA. Other raven drawings can be found at www.bernadinefox.ca. Currently there are only two left for sale.

Adjunct to Life Lessons: Vulnerability

2010-12-30T10:07:00.000-08:00

I found this this morning on Facebook (Thanks Tee Crane). This woman talks about what I discovered writing Life Lessons - but, of course, she says it so much better. Here is Brene Brown.

Life Lessons

2010-12-28T13:20:00.000-08:00

Life has a way of barrelling through your day regardless of whether or not you have invited it in. Wrapped up in our armor of prior decisions, flat-out denials, decorated agreements with self, entrenched blind spots, and Band-Aided emotional sores it is easy to just let it go by and pay no mind while we busy ourselves with work, duties, friends and family, or other social activities. But life has a way of meandering about picking at this or that, offering up new choices and new ideas if one so chooses to pluck them.

I have had a very important relationship go into crisis and while I still do not fully understand all of what happened or why, I can and have offered this person time to work through what is going on for him and to resolve it. But waiting is something for which I truly suck. I was ten days overdue for my own birth. My world is always riddled with something to edit, sort, or complete. Cell phones are my most prized possession as they can occupy any length of “wait.” I never do this idly. I continue to arrive late wherever I am going because waiting sits in my throat, juggles harpoons in my stomach, and yelps loudly about wasted time – not lost time, not forgotten time, not misplaced time – no utterly and absolutely, wasted time. Life is too short in those moments to just sit. Life, also, is too long to allow it to languish, unused. So while I have “waited” for the right time to sort through these difficulties, I have also embraced those places where life has willy-nilly landed and disturbed my dust. In return, it has offered many opportunities for learning.

I processed. I acknowledged and owned the baggage I unintentionally dropped into the middle of it. I recognized my failings, processed old pain, and apologized. I stated my fears and what my needs are in resolving this argument. I told him how I felt and that I am willing to hear what he needs to say. He, of course, has done his own version of this. Most recently, however, I discovered one more thing I needed to do: allowing “what-is” to be “what-it-is” and then simply letting go of the outcome. This is not an easy prescription to follow. First you have to recognize (truly recognize) what is sitting in front of you. This means ripping off all the Band-Aids, removing the blinders, taking off the damn armor, pulling off the carefully laid out decorations about you, and then opening your heart to that very thing you have spent an entire lifetime obfuscating with pretty adornments and sincere desires while everything in you screams, STOP! Not easy. I took myself there kicking and screaming.

What-is: In my sophisticated ability to over-analyze and over-intellectualize, I believed our difficulties would be uprooted from past emotional patterns in relationship, or one person’s controlling or submissive behaviour, or one withholding and other exhibiting a lack of respect, or the degree of commitment we have to us or our issues. That was not what I found. No, what impacted on our relationship most profoundly is/was that we both hate conflict to such a degree that we will not only avoid it (almost) at all costs, we reinforce avoiding it in each other. Unfortunately, when conflict arrived (‘cause, eventually, it will) we ended up dealing with it poorly. That may seem ridiculously simplified in the context of an intimate relationship. Like, so what? But that little concept carries a huge, emotional wallop and dilemma. Avoiding conflict means circumventing internally as much as externally. To resolve the issues, we have to throw out fifty years of learning how to avoid difficult situations and possibly “fighting” and become skilled at resolving conflict constructively - together. Not an easy “what-is” but it is one that if we are able to master it, will ultimately take care of all the other, seemingly, more important issues.

Let go of the outcome: I can control what I do in this (i.e., being honest). I can offer time to sort through issues (i.e., wait… grrr…!). I can engage in resolving the issues in a loving and caring manner (i.e., constructive resolution). We have agreed to do all of those things. But, I cannot control whether we are successful at this or what “success” looks like for us. I cannot predetermine the outcome without influencing how much honesty I offer up, how long I can wait, what I can or cannot accept in him, or how far I can extend the caring I feel for him or, conversely, how far he can offer all of those in return. For the answers to all of that, I must wait. To try and work towards one solution over another, would prevent a resolution rooted in “what-is” for both of us. For me, this process must remain an open concept where I can embrace an authenticity only born from letting go of the outcome. Essentially, as Doris Day said: whatever will be – will be. Que Sera, Sera. What is, is.

And, just for the record: I hate this life lesson.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-16T21:29:00.000-08:00

Christmas traditions die hard in my home. As a poor, single parent of two girls, each year Christmas was an enormously, expensive proposition. Today, I put up the tree that I always get at IKEA ‘cause I get a coupon for the value of the tree to spend in the New Year. I have thirty-five years of gathered decorations. As the boxes were opened this evening, I recalled how I would wait for the after-Christmas 50% sales to buy one or two that would then have to wait another whole year to be used. Each year I pull out our tree skirt which is really just old fluffy, red car seat covers reworked thirty years ago to do the job. I could go and purchase new ones now. But, there is something oddly comforting about them and I doubt I will ever replace them. My children are now in their thirties. But I still drag out their decorations made in elementary school and remember their excited wonder as I opened this present on Christmas morning only to have it promptly hung on our tree. The now one-eyed reindeer made of two clothespins, the bedraggled triangle Santa, and the “stain-glass” Angel have stood the test of time and continue to make their way onto our tree. Each decoration pulls my history out with it. This year is no different ‘cause it really wouldn’t be Christmas without each of these decorations.

The hopes of an excited child awaiting Good Ole’ Saint Nick, spurred me on to make Christmas each year as special as it could be. I chuckle writing that ‘cause I remember the year that my six-year old Wendy was struggling with whether or not Santa was real and I felt obliged to tell her the truth. Relentless in her traditions, she balked and told me in no uncertain terms that I was mistaken. Santa was very much real and alive and would come this year just as he had each one before. Inspired by her faith, I donned two large boots that Christmas Eve, stomped through the fireplace making sure I had a good amount of soot deposited on the soles and made “Santa-prints” on the carpet. She awoke the next morning happily showing me the evidence of his arrival and all I could do was concur that clearly I must have been wrong and cringe at the work I had created for myself to clean. There have been Christmas’ where presents were made ‘cause I couldn’t afford to buy them and Christmas’ where money was no problem and, consequently, the presents more outlandish. Regardless of the budget, each year I made sure we had turkey and stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, real butter and buns, salad, juice for the kids and wine for me. I never drank much and Christmas stories in my family often include at least one making fun of mother (me) having had her one drink that year and getting a bit smashed on it. That is me: a very cheap drinker.

There have been difficult Christmas’ as well. My lil brother died at 19-years in early December one year. It was a tragedy in my family and Christmas ’82 was very hard. Early December continues to be a hard time of year for me. My oldest child at 12-years, struggling with a mental illness, flipped out Christmas day smashing dishes and causing an entire uproar including police and social workers descending on our home. That year, our celebration stopped cold mid-day as we dealt with her and all that that entailed. Now an adult with a drug-addiction, she continues to influence Christmas day in various ways. This year, she has given birth to her third child. Like the first two, chances are she will not raise this one either. I want to celebrate this birth of another female grandchild, but my joy is swallowed up by worry of what drugs have done to this little life, brand new on this earth. It makes my heart sink for no child should have to begin a whole life this way.

In many ways, one's family is the backbone of our lives. However, they don't always make it easy. My children and I spent many Christmas' alone without family. So many adult children of abusive families (like myself) are estranged from their family-of-origins and suffer in isolation through holidays bursting with images and sounds of happy families. Every TV set, every movie, every advertisement, every store, and every card sent or received reminds them of what they did not, could not, and will not have: family. No doubt, these better-than-real representations of family and life are part and parcel why depression rates soar in November & December each year.

I had thought once my children were grown I could relax on the Christmas front. Perhaps forgo a tree or two (here or there) or run off to some hot beach with tanned bodies and long afternoons. But, before I could navigate that I was the custodial guardian of a 27-month old granddaughter who is now 11-years old. The Christmas tradition cycles all over again. I have new decorations made in her elementary school classes. I get to attend school Christmas concerts, send her off with baked goodies for her class, pitch in for presents for teachers, help her make her list for Santa and learn her lines for Christmas songs. She is quite convinced I am Santa. I have told her that I am too tired to be Santa running around the planet dropping off presents for every child. She just rolls her eyes and smiles.

This Christmas will be a difficult one for me. It is supposed to be spent with those you love. However, I won’t get to spend this one with everyone that I love and care about. Some are no longer alive. Some are too far away, either physically or emotionally. One is absent from my life; but not my heart. With the promise of a brand new year full of possibilities on the horizon, I will tuck this Christmas away in its boxes happy and grateful to have spent it with my children whom I adore, grateful to have reconnected with new and old friends, and glad for all the ways it is contributing to my collective memory of Christmas' spent.

To each and every one of you, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May this season bring its blessings upon you and yours.

Spiritual Gifts

2010-12-14T01:00:00.000-08:00

Bernadine Fox BFA
(photo by Valerie Arntzen)

Arguments are an essential part of any relationship. I know that sounds odd. It is so easy to believe (or want to believe) that a good relationship never has its downside, never holds an ill-chosen word, never houses anger or outbursts, never withholds, and is never saddled with inconsideration or resentments. Unfortunately, a good relationship is, in fact, one that holds all of those things (the good, the bad, and the …. well… ugly, childish, mean-spirited, damaged, and disheartened). I have recently rediscovered that I can still hold my own in the latter category. The place where a relationship gets into trouble is also exactly where it holds essential spiritual gifts for its participants. It is through our associations with others that we come into being and heal from that which has hurt us. The difficulties relationships encounter are gifts given to us by what those two people created together: the partnership. The level of the gift is governed by how strong and important the relationship. But they are only rewards, if we can find a way to embrace them despite their thorny bits that dig into our sore spots.

Take a simple cut or scrap on your leg or a broken bone in your arm: our bodies will heal that wound or fracture regardless of any outside assistance. Without a doctor, the wound will close up and a broken bone will re-calcify and attach. The wound may leave a horrifying scar and the bone may heal crooked but, for the most part, they will heal enough to be functional. This is also true of our emotional wounds. Without any therapeutic intervention, our bodies/minds will compulsively push towards healing those intangible injuries bringing them to each and every relationship until our current experiences have helped us understand the past and we can finally undo the damage. So we may work through some of it with person #1, more with person #2, a smattering with person #3, and more with #4 and so on and so forth.

There is a reason people keep picking similar partners: we are compelled by the force of nature to re-create (most often unconsciously) scenarios that offer the possibility of that very healing. If no healing occurs we pick the same type of person the next time around. However, as we do heal from our old wounds, our choices change in relation to the level of healing we have embraced. The greater the healing the healthier the partner with whom we engage next. Young adults from abusive childhoods often pick someone who batters them physically and emotionally. As they heal they may progress to someone who is emotionally absent. And as healing becomes significant and enduring they will eventually, hopefully, choose partners who are able to be present in a mutually, loving relationship.

For some of us, who have been sorely hurt by others from the time we were small, it can feel cruel that the only way beyond some of those old patterns is to ultimately open up and resolve it with another human being: an often terrifying concept. I am much more comfortable enduring my pain alone and on my own terms. Unfortunately, these old wounds literally cannot be altered by one person looking at it, feeling it, and making new decisions. Those resolutions are only truly authentic and effective if you can follow through with them in the heat of the moment, during an argument or triggering of old wounds, and in the company of another for whom you care. It is through our associations with others that we come to be, that we recognize ourselves, and heal from that which has emotionally hurt us.

I am fifty-two this year. That is old. I have been in a healing process since the age of 21. That is over 30 years. I have learned lots, felt more, and endured horrendous physical and emotional pain at the hands of people who should have protected me. My first partner almost killed me: twice. My second was not much better. My third and fourth and fifth were all people who did not physical hit but emotionally strangled me and held fiduciary power over me (i.e., my teacher, my therapist, etc.). These are typical choices of adults abused as children by parents, teachers, and other authority figures. However, my last partner is miles away from my first. I have slowly made better and better choices until I reached one who was not only a good person but who had no desire to hold power over me or be abusive. Regardless of being two good people who love each other, we had a huge argument. And despite my years and years of relentless healing - today - I discovered one more way that I only recognized myself as the victim and, consequently and directly because of that, did not recognize the ways in which I was sadly, unintentionally hurting someone else. Of course, arguments are caused by two people and usually the difficulties are intricately entwined patterns. However, his story is not mine to tell here. His issues (if there are any) are not mine to root out or own. My job in this is to own what is mine (throwing off that last vestige to victimhood), to grab onto the nugget of gold wisdom that is being offered to me (how I contributed to the difficulty and, therefore, how I can change it in the future) and use it to heal one more inch towards a better life. Today, I did that. Today, I am gratefully a little bit healthier.

The Fragility of Human Communication

2010-12-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

"Home: Two on a Plate" oil on canvas 18 x 18"
by Bernadine Fox BFA

I have often said that the communication between two people is fragile. I am amazed that we can speak words at each other with our accompanying nonverbal body language and come away with any kind of mutual understanding about what just took place.

Just think about it. Each of us comes to any conversation with:

o All our emotional baggage (processed or not) that has come before in our lives about whatever is the topic at hand

o All our own connotations and references to the words being used. One person might use “incredible” to mean absolutely grand where someone else interprets the word to mean not true

o All our fears (whether real or imagined they are still valid as impacting on any dialogue)

o All our expectations (stated or not)

o All our assumptions about what the other person has in the past, will in the future, or currently is thinking, feeling, wanting, or doing (or not)

o All our assumptions who that person is given their status in society and the labels they carry with them: rich/poor, male/female, young/old, abused/abuser, etc.

o All our stated or unstated assumptions about why we are about to have the conversation and what our end result will be

o All our own idiosyncratic ideas about how to have this conversation (where to begin, what verbal foot to put forward)

o All our own stated or unstated desires about having the conversation

o All our secrets we are not prepared to share as of yet with whoever is sitting in front of us whether it is your boss, friend, or lover.

o All our own sense of humour that can include sarcasm and irony

Add to all of that all of the nonverbal cues we give off with our eyes, our mouths, our hands, our body posture, and our tone of voice and throw all of that at a conversation attempting to resolve a current hot issue and we have an enormous amount of emotional complexities thrown into that proverbial, confused pot.

For example, take the person who in some attempt to be socially-appropriate says, “No, no I don’t want that last piece of cake. You have it.” And, they say it sincerely and seem absolutely clear that they truly do not want it and what you do not know (because they are not saying) is that they do in fact want it but:

1) they don't feel they deserve cake,

or 2) they think others think they are fat and will judge them if they eat cake,

or 3) they are afraid to say what it is they want,

or 4) they have been taught it is social etiquette to say no until someone insists that they take the cake. So you eat the cake, ‘cause you did want it and no one else did. If any of the above were in play, you are now at risk of being thought of as inconsiderate. I must admit I always run into snags with this one. Unless someone is obviously lying, I believe what people tell me (good or bad) about what they want. Why would anyone lie about cake (or other more important issues)! It doesn’t naturally occur to me that someone would consider purposefully misdirecting me and my intentions as good manners. And even though I know people do do this – I never quite catch it before I have committed some major faux pas.

It is impossible to outline all of these differences prior to beginning a conversation. Our only hope is to jump into the conversation and expect that somewhere during it, if confusion and/or difficulties arise, we can both step back, re-evaluate what is going on, sort it out, see what it is we are doing (i.e., all of the above), and (if possible) go forward -- and then stop again as soon as another snag is hit and do all of that over again. Not until you have been in a long-term relationship where you have done this consistently for years and years, will you enjoy the privilege of communication shorthand and the luxury of truly understanding or knowing the other person given the parameters and limits of that particular association (i.e., friend, partner, or colleague).

In the meantime, communication between us humans is simply fragile and inherently difficult. How we manage to get through each day continues to astonish me.

Respect

2010-12-06T09:46:00.000-08:00

Respect

It is that thing that we all want professionally and personally from those around us. It is a manner of address that makes us feel welcome, wanted, appreciated, and OK. Most of the time, we look at the notion of respect only in how it applies to how we are being treated or how we perceive we are being treated by others. Bosses want compliance. Performers want adoring fans. Friends want to be heard. Lovers want to be understood. Many do not understand that respect does not and cannot survive in nonreciprocity. It is not a one-way street where one person can demand it without simultaneously offering it.

Respect is a synergistic act. It cannot survive alone and is dependent on being returned. It must be allowed to freely flow not only between two people but within one self. Simply put: if you do not respect yourself you cannot truly respect other people. Respect offered to you will have no place to be recognized within you and will often be misinterpreted. In return, your actions of respect will turn into a form of false admiration. Ask any well-known performer how they feel when people they do not know rush up to them exclaiming, “I just love you and your music/acting/singing. You are the most amazing person/singer/actor/performer (circle one).” As welcome as those moments are, they are not declarations of respect that one can take to the emotional bank.

Between two people, it is the same. One can be sincerely respectful of the other in a relationship, but unless it is reciprocated it is ultimately meaningless. I am not talking just close relationships: friends, lovers, or partners. For example, take helping professionals in our communities like nurses, social workers, advocate and others. I witness this everyday in Vancouver’s DTES helping people trying to save the “down-trodden.” Now helping is all well and good. However, if no respect of the savee is offered then the assistance works to turn it all into a cheap form of emotional masturbation for the saviour. It may not be easy, but the true test for any helping professional is to question their own reactions to those they help. Do they respect this person who is unemployed/has no home/dresses poorly/needs a haircut/begs for money/talks strangely/hangs out down here/has a mental illness/is racial different, etc. etc.? If one cannot truly say that they can respect that person’s choices regardless of who they are, where they are, or how they look, then they have no business assisting in that community. Expand this to the notion of a relationship between two loving people in an intimate relationship and, if respect is not flowing freely both ways between them, it will destroy any chance the relationship has to foster and then maintain growth, love, and a true connection.

If you want respect from someone – it always starts within yourself. Be damn sure you are offering it up in return or else your request or desire comes off as nothing more than a hollow ultimatum for another to acquiesce and participate in something not quite real (ergo: pseudo-respect). Of course the proof of that is in the pudding…. it always is.

Women's Winter Faire 2010

2010-12-01T12:31:00.000-08:00

Bernadine @ the Women's Winter Faire
Dec 18 & 19th @ Heritage Hall
(Main & 15th Ave, Vancouver)

I will have art objects and some of my smaller paintings. Come on by and say hi!

2010 Eastisde Culture Crawl

2010-12-01T12:22:00.001-08:00

2010 Eastside Culture Crawl

.... was a blast! If you did not make it out, you missed an incredible smorgasboard of art and art objects. As always, I had a wonderful three days of meeting my audience and getting to know you better. I love seeing who stands and takes in my work and what people say, who buys pieces and why they buy them. I cannot convey just how valuable this all is to what and why I produce art. For me, it is not just the process of making art happen in my studio. It is meaningless until each piece finds its new home! So, thank you for all who came and all who purchased their own piece of my work. If you can, take a photo of where you hung it in your home. I collect these for my inventory logs!

If you did not make it out to the Crawl this year.... mark your calendars now. Third weekend in November 2011. I will be there.

Artsy Dartsy

2010-11-20T20:31:00.001-08:00

Showcased on Artsy Dartsy!
Nov 4th, 2010 for the Eastside Culture Crawl.

Check it out here: ARTSY DARTSY!